Is God a matchmaker?
Does God have a particular person chosen to be your spouse?
This idea has been used for years to comfort despondent Christians who worry that they’ll never find Mr. or Mrs. Right, and given that we believe God to be all-knowing and all-powerful, there’s a certain sense in thinking that He’s got somebody picked out for us all.
But if you think about that idea for a while, some questions and problems present themselves. If God has somebody “picked out” for you, should you actively search for said person, or trust that God will bring them into your life? How do you know if somebody is “the one”? And what about the gift of singleness?
Here’s how Nehemiah Ministries answers the question:
[In 1 Corinthians,] Paul stops short of guaranteeing that God will provide a spouse to anyone who wants one. Neither here nor anywhere else does Paul—or any biblical writer—lock God into a required response to any human need. There is always the possibility that God will choose not to meet a need directly but to give the grace to live contentedly with unfulfilled desires, a point Paul stresses in his second letter to this church (2 Cor 12:7-10).
Still Paul puts the accent on hope in his teaching on marriage, and throughout his writings urges us toward faith in a God who provides all of our needs in Jesus Christ (Phil 4:19). If you want to be married, you certainly have reason to stay hopeful that God will provide someone to meet that need unless he changes your desire or in some clear way shuts the door.
Again, it is important as you maintain this hope to keep your expectations within reasonable bounds. If you’re thinking, “God has one ideal choice for me,” you may be setting your standards for that person impossibly high. When we consider the perspective on God’s role which was in Paul’s mind as he wrote 1 Corinthians 7, it seems to be not “God has one ideal person for you to marry”—but “God will help you find a suitable partner.” This is usually a more edifying thought to dwell on. The person whom he gives you to marry will have imperfections and failings, just as you do. Still that person will complement you in a way that will work for your greater happiness and a more fruitful life together for Christ.
Read the rest of “Is God a Matchmaker?” at Nehemiah Ministries.
What do you think? Is God a matchmaker? Does this idea fit with, or go against, your own experience?
You know, that’s a really interesting question. But, I think sometimes it is just the right person. I’m thinking of Abraham and Sarah, Esther and Xerxes and others that the marriage was the start of something bigger than the individual union.
Yet, I also understand that just because we may pray God, give me someone to love and marry me – that is not a request, that is praying an answer. I don’t have the answer, but God’s will and purpose is comfort enough.
i was glad to find this topic today. i am 51 years old & have not had a meaningful male/female relationship in 10 years. i became a Christian a little over 10 years ago. i did believe that God would send me a mate. no one approached me at church or church events with an interest in a relationship with me. i prayed for someone but not consistently, i just felt that God would bring this person to me.
i was actually okay not having anyone. but now i am very much desiring to have a mate & i have gone on a dating website because that is the only way i know to meet someone. i have issues because i am female & the bible says he that findeth a woman finds a good thing. i still consider the issue of burning which i have in my heart & my body. i feel i have no choice, i still pray & try to study for distraction but my body does seem to win out. at my church, my pastor says the singles ministry is not to find a mate but to discuss & do events to uplift us in our singlehood. of course, the majority of participants are women anyway.
Vedav, please allow me to share my prespective, for whatever worth it may hold.
I turned 52 on Nov 30th of this year, only a few days ago. The best birthday present I can ever remember receiving is the gift of being called someone’s woman, after eleven long years of being divorced and not dating anyone.
At times I began to feel that there wasn’t anyone out there for me. No one significant approached me at church, events, etc. However, while listening to a christian radio broadcast, where a woman called in to complain about the exact same dilema, the advice she received was to broaden her options by joining online dating service. She had tried it in the past and was bewildered. So had I. However, the words of the men who hosted the broadcast were inspiring, not only to her, but to myself as well.
Several months passed before I was able to avail myself to the a christian singles site, but I did, after having discontinued my membership with them nearly three years ago.
Within three days of being online, we met. He fits me like a glove.
He was on the site for the second time as well. However this time, he was on it for only two weeks when we met.
I recieved several hits of interest from other men, but what caught his eye was my profile, after the picture attraction of course. I stated that the gentleman interested in me must be a tither and a giver (I am). He loved that! We met and it’s been a God-thing ever since.
So, is there someone out there for everyone? Let’s just say this. I checked back into the site out of curiousity. I’ve had 121 interest (besides those who simply bookmarked or viewed my profile), and none of them were of interest to me. David and I both agree that we click spiritually. I’m quickly growing in love with. He was well worth the wait.
So sister, let me encourage you with this. Your flesh has no real control over you. It’s whatever you set your eyes, heart and mind on that takes control. If you’re having trouble with your flesh now, imagine what would happened if you met someone. So please give that over to the Lord. He will take it from you and return it when necessary. I did and I’m still holding steady until we marry someday.
Remember the bible says that out of the mouth of two or three witnesses, let every word be established. You’ve only given me one word on a man finding a wife. However, Esther made it her business (along with the help of Naomi), to make herself available to Boaz. He saw and he made up the difference. I’ll be praying for your. Keep your flesh under. The only bed that is honorable is the marriage bed. The rest is undefiled.
Blessings,
Vetta
My advice is marry only for the glory of God and you will get His best for you.
I am 100% sure that God wants humanity to marry and multiply (see Genesis). I am also 100% sure that God knows who is absolutely the best spouse in the world for each of us, at any point in time. That is the best person for His glory. I don’t dare demean Hosea who glorified God in his unhappy marriage to Gomer. Marriage like all else in life is not for our happiness. However, I won’t lie to you it, certainly can turn out to be very happy; It depends on your attitude towards Him. So except for Hosea, knowing the character of God, most marriages should wind up happy if they are done His way.
Further, it is NOT an organization, but the family that God designed as the primary structure for passing on knowledge about Him. Deuteronomy is clear on this. Every family should be a micro-church, every father senior pastor, every mother executive pastor, every child raised up as associate pastors. That would be the ideal and what we should all hope for.
I think there are exceptions. The Bible recommends against marriage during times of persecution and tribulation. There are also those who feel called to singleness and those who are born or forced to be eunuchs, like the Ethiopian and Daniel and company.
In my case, I told God I would be a ‘bachelor to the rapture,’ but He said “NO.” Actually, what I said was I would not marry unless God thought I and my wife would bring Him greater glory than we each would as singles. (We also planned to wait on having kids, but got pregnant on the honeymoon.) God has given me plenty of things that I did not ask for that are way better than I would have chosen. I am so glad Romans 12:1-2 taught me that. Actually, the whole being a slave to God idea of Romans 6 is working out pretty good. I am getting the idea that slavery to God is much less negative than it sounds; more like sons who are servants, than slaves who are mistreated.
SO my prayer was “God don’t let me marry anyone, unless You think it best for Your glory.” My wife prayed the same way. That way when we said, “I do” we knew we had God’s will for our lives, since we also know He hates divorce. We simply were depending on God’s consistency. GOD LOVES IT when we treat Him as dependable in every choice we make. After salvation there is no bigger choice than making a marriage covenant. Pretty much all other choices we make are in the spirit of “let your yes be yes” (Matt 5:37), but a marriage is a covenant promise made before God and witnesses. I don’t think God would ever want to be known as permissive of covenant breaking.
Always remember a marriage is not about two people, but God plus two people. That is a whole family. That’s my two cents.
Amen!
While I do understand that God’s will is different for each of us concerning marraige, I most certainly believe he brought my husband and I together–no doubt in my mind. For one, He let me know he was coming…. I dont believe women should launch a major search. I feel she should keep herself and her mind on God and wait for her blessing. (worked for me anyway
) And while the marraige is not perfect, cause I know I would never claim to be, I feel I have my TRUE soulmate because I gave it over to God to handle.
A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing! Too much time is spent trying to find the one you think will fit your little box as your husband or wife. I spent most of my single life dating. God told me that it was not right. I would not resist the temptation to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. I thought it was for my benefit…for experience. Instead, it was a world of bondage, sin, and worshipping of idols. It was until I stopped and denied myself, “Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing…I am sorry.” I had been trying to make it work with men who were not seeking to lead as a husband should. So I humbled myself, and told the Lord “Not my will, but thy will be done.” Then the Lord revealed to my husband that I was his wife. He did not try to date me. He told me that he was interested in marriage. Can God send your spouse? Yes, he can and will according to his purpose.
I know that this is probably late to bring to this discussion. But, I think it will bring hope. I started searching for someone special 20 years ago. I felt that Yahweh had someone special for me I just had to go out and find him. I made over 23 mistakes. In every relationship it went bad. I gave up looking. I was so dejected by all the times I had been treated bad and used, I was not wanting a relationship anymore at all. Thinking back I can hear God sigh and say “Finally!!!” I had been so busy looking and finding the wrong people, and last March when I finally gave up looking and gave it to God. He gave me the perfect person. Perfect for me and for God. He is a beautiful Christian man. And this time instead of trying to commit myself to a relationship, I am trying to commit my relationship to God.
And he has done as it says in Mathew.
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I am not garenteeing you the perfect man or woman. But I wanted you to know there is hope. My prayers were answered the second I left it to God and said “Your will before mine”.
I look at it this way as was said above quoting a scripture “A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing” . Thinking about “finding” a wife (or husband) maybe it is like finding some money, it usually doesn’t happen to you while you are hunting for it. BUT if you happened by and saw some money (say 20 dollars) laying along the path and you just passed it by you would only be able to say that you saw twenty dollars. IF you picked it up and took it with you then you could rightfully say you “found” twenty dollars.
James Robison once said these words “You can do more than pray after you have prayed but you can do nothing but pray until you have prayed” Marriage is a two way street that turns into a One way.
This seems to me a funny question. I wanted Children when young but saw the problems My Mom was having with my Father and us kids. I did not want a Husband. However God did not take the burning away when I prayed for a life of abstinance. So when I had had enough of subjecting myself to being mistreated by boyfriends, I prayed for a Husband and was led into the Military . Married quickly after. Married 29 years now and the last 8 have been good. Husband finally came around to knowing God and treating me Better. Would not wish the first 20 odd years on anyone though. I do not in particular believe the old saying of “you will Know if he is the right one” . I still wonder why people say that.