Hollywood must know what its doing. We have a long holiday weekend coming up, which would sure seem like a good bet for boffo boxoffice; but ticket sales are as low right now as they’ve been all summer. So maybe it makes sense that the studios haven’t given us anything to get excited about this weekend.

One indie house has released a small comedic gem—as long as you’re not easily offended. Ping Pong Playa “isn’t your standard late-summer dumper,” says Greg Wright “The star of this movie, Jimmy Tsai, has invented a truly hysterical character in C-Dub Wang—a Chinese ranconteur who’s equal parts Spike Lee, Quentin Tarantino, Charles Barkley, and Larry the Cucumber—and director Jessica Yu knows how to milk every setup for maximum laughs.”

Wright also recommends the wake-up-call documentary I.O.U.S.A.—playing on only 21 screens around the country this weekend—describing it as “required viewing for every American. Helmed in an admirably restrained fashion by Wo for raising theordplay director Patrick Creadon, the documentary I.O.U.S.A. is PGP’s first salv level of public awareness about what a 60 Minutes report dubbed “the dirty little secret everyone in Washington knows: a set of financial truths so inconvenient that most elected officials don’t even want to talk about them.” Heavy—but important—stuff.

Michael Brunk was not so impressed with Traitor, the only big-name release this week. “I enjoyed the first two thirds of this movie,” he says, “and if the production team could have brought it home with a fitting final act, I think this would have been halfway decent film. But instead of a powerful message about belief and sacrifice we get a climactic moment that left the audience I watched with literally laughing out loud.”

Also reviewed this week: the self-describing Disaster Movie.

The gloves appear to be off as the studios dump the last of their summer fare on us at the tail end of August.

The lone bright spot in wide release is, somewhat surprisingly, an adult-oriented Hitchcockian thriller starring Woody Harrelson. Jeff Walls calls Transsiberian “a terrific thriller. Anderson and co-screenwriter Will Conroy kept me on my toes and I was never quite sure where the film was taking me next. The snow-covered, barren landscape is photographed beautifully, reminding me a bit of Fargo“—as does the rating. Even the best film this week is rated R.

Walls also enjoyed The Rocker, a PG-13 social satire starring Rainn Wilson. It’s raucous teen fare, like many of the summer’s film—but not excessively crude, as many of them have been. “I enjoyed this film from beginning to end,” says Walls. “Unlike the recent Step Brothers, which is a funny joke stretched into a movie, The Rocker is simply a funny movie—and believe it or not, it’s actually less heavy-handed when it comes to the inevitable life lessons.”

On the arthouse circuit, Greg Wright found Tuya’s Marriage intriguing. “Just be sure to take a patience pill before you buy your ticket,” Wright warns about this Chinese parable about Mongolian sheep herders… and sexism. “This is old-school filmmaking, after all: the furthest thing possible from The Dark Knight.”

Mike Brunk enjoyed Death Race, as well—as long as you recognize that you’re going in to see an R-rated film about “cars, guns, and explosions.” Brunk elaborates: “It’s hard to imagine anyone watching the trailer and being confused about what they’re going to see when the lights go down and the movie starts. Either you like this kind of action movie and you plan to see it or you don’t. I don’t think there’s much gray area involved!”

On the distinctly rough side, Greg Wright warns that In Search Of A Midnight Kiss will likely strike you as “something akin to inviting insanity into your presence… and then being asked not to pass judgment on that insanity”; Kathy Bledsoe finds Hamlet 2 to be excessively “sexual and profane,” deserving of an NC-17 rather than the R it got from the MPAA; and Jeff Walls felt that his “intelligence declined” while watching The House Bunny.

Wow. Things should quiet down—and shape up—soon, as we head into the Oscar-race season.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, says Mike Smith, is the rare beast: a sequel that improves on the original. The secret? More mature actors, he says… and a director that really gets the material. “Call me sexist,” Smith writes, “but Sanaa Hamni gets the chicks. Sorry, Mr. Kwapis—you’re a guy (like me), which pretty much prevents us from really ‘getting’ the psyche of the target audience convincingly. The original enjoyed some success, but I expect the sequel will outdo the first—it is simply the better film.”

Meanwhile, three of this week’s releases begin with the letter B.

Bottle Shock is a logical successor to Sideways, a veritable history lesson about how Napa wines outdid the French. “I do think some thanks are indeed in order” for that, says Greg Wright, “though there’s still enough ninny-muggins in this particular vintage to call it a corked film.”

Wright liked Boy A a bit better, though he wouldn’t call it great or original by any stretch. “To be sure,” he acknowledges, the film “treads a lot of familiar ground while it explores the breadth of the ‘leopards can’t change their spots’ vs. ‘clothes make the man’ spectrum. … It seems that I’ve been screening of lot of films about disaffected youth, but I may have enjoyed this one the most.”

Baghead is a different matter. “By the time the horror setup is really in play,” cautions Wright, “the film is well past half-over. And people aren’t dying near quick enough.”

Also this week are two mainstream releases that pretty much qualify as B-movie fare. Jeff Walls liked them both—Pineapple Express and Hell Ride—well enough forwhat they are, but cautions audiences strongly about the strong content of both.

One of the funnest films of the summer, says Greg Wright, is a gentle political satire… starring Kevin Costner, of all things. Swing Vote, going into release today is “a skewering of lax parenting, national politics of all stripes, political correctness, blue-collar stereotypes, and network news,” says Wright. “If you’re at all apathetic about voting, or if you’re at all fed up with the state of politics in America—and you don’t mind a little hayseed stuck between your teeth or up your shorts—get out and see Swing Vote. I’m very glad I did.”

Jeff Walls also liked American Teen quite a bit, calling it a worthwhile peek into a high school “not dreamed up by John Hughes.” He adds: “Still, I can’t help but think how much the subjects’ actions were exaggerated due to the fact that they knew they were being filmed.”

Not so successful, says Greg Wright, is the latest Mummy sequel: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor… “by the far the slackest and least entertaining film of the Mummy series. I really enjoyed the two directed by Stephen Sommers, but I did not find any enjoyment in this one at all… and honestly, I’m not at all sure who will.”

Also reviewed this week: Chris & Don: A Love Story.

Let’s just get it out of the way. The one real clinker in wide release today is the new Will Ferrell comedy Step Brothers. Ferrell’s private parts… Need we say more? Jeff Walls doesn’t… much. “It’s just plain disturbing,” he says.

Greg Wright gives The X-Files: I Want To Believe a fairly cool review… but it’s not bad, he says. The opening scene, according to Wright, is “entirely in keeping with the tone and style of the TV series. That’s either an ill omen, or a promise of the fun to come… depending on how much of an X-Files fan you are—or were. Too often, Carter’s script jumps off into narrative conveniences that break the dramatic tension.”

Wright was more impressed with the Canadian-themed R-rated period melodrama The Stone Angel. Like I Want To Believe, he says, it’s chock full of spiritual themes—but he found it much more satisfying. “This is no simple tale of familial favoritism: it’s truly an epic tale of biblical proportions, offering insight into the kinds of rifts that tear nations apart even after five thousand years—and into the kind of spiritual healing that’s free for the taking.”

Kathy Bledsoe was also high on the PG-13 Brideshead Revisited, also a period drama—this time set in England, and also rife with religious themes. “Why revisit something that has been written and done as a mini-series on BBC?” Bledsoe asks. “Well, for one thing, the big screen brings a grandeur to the story that the small screen cannot. … This is a film into which you can lose yourself; and where better than in a dark theater with a big, wide screen and popcorn?”

Finally, Mike Gunn recommends CSNY Deja Vu… if you’re a CSNY who hates war and the Bush Administration. Everyone else? Stay far away from this political screed.

The big story about The Dark Knight, says Greg Wright, is not Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker: it’s that the film may well prove a bellwether for the outcome of the Presidential election this fall. “At the core of The Dark Knight,” he says “is Harvey Dent’s observation that you ‘either die a hero or you live long enough to become a villain.’” And that’s what’s really up for grabs this year: is it okay to bend the rules and compromise ethics with first-strike tactics? Batman seems to think so… and the movie does too, says Wright. “This is a film that will bear up under repeated viewing… if you are willing to feel bludgeoned by your entertainment,” he summarizes; and the knockout performance here is Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent.

On the other end of the spectrum entirely is Space Chimps, a “G for gee-whiz” that adults can enjoy, too, says Mike Smith. “Several positive themes and lessons are woven into the movie as well: friendship, self-sacrifice, and mutual understanding… This is one of those rare occasions where a simplistic story is at least entertaining enough to keep adults interested.”

And in the pure fun department, Michael Brunk recommends Mamma Mia!… as long as you remember that the material “is most often delivered with tongue firmly in cheek.” Even in a lark like this, you can find things to get incensed about… but that’s not at all the spirit of the film. It simply brings to film what you’d expect to find onstage in a Broadway musical… values and all.

Also new this week: Alexandra, a slow-moving, impressionistic Russian drama about grandmothers, grandsons, and war.

What do you do between Hancock and The Dark Knight? Check out the raft of smaller films that are making their way to the multiplexes this week… and it’s really a pretty decent batch.

Leading the pack in a family way is Journey to the Center of the Earth, the first in a pair of Brendan Fraser summer vehicles this year. This one is decidedly more kid-friendly than the Mummy series, though. Says Jennie Spohr, “the movie is fairly wholesome, with a positive family-friendly message that people are more important than things… a fun adventure story that parents will be able to take their pre-tweens to without worrying about too much violence, sex, or other such blockbuster fodder.”

Kathy Bledsoe fairly raves about a pair of arthouse films. First is the French thriller Tell No One, based on the novel by American author Harlan Coben. Calling this R-content film “a real treat,” Bledsoe says that “Canet and his editor have done a fine job of presenting a movie that is taut, thrilling, suspenseful, and romantic while maintaining cohesiveness and movement.”

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson also draws high praise from Bledsoe. Also R-rated, the documentary “is a good start into figuring out” who this “hard living, hard drinking, and hard drug-taking” journalist was… and why figuring that out might matter.

Greg Wright also finds that the basketball documentary Gunnin’ For That #1 Slot offers “just the right mix of personal drama, business realities, history, and education… all while delivering spectacular doses of on-court talent.” He adds: “It’s hard to say too much about the film itself; it’s probably enough just to simply observe that it’s a worthy addition to the Hoop Dreams legacy.”

In more mainstream fare, Jeff Walls finds Hellboy II to be that rarest of sequels: one that builds on the successes of its predecessor (and improving upon them) without jumping into the deep end. “I don’t expect Hellboy II to shatter any boxoffice records or become an instant classic,” says Walls; “but for those who get a thrill from special effects and screwball action, this is just the right fit for you.”

Walls wasn’t at all keen on Garden Party, though. “It’s hard to recommend a film whose best feature is its poster,” he observes.

Jennie Spohr tried hard to like Encounters at the End of the World, too. But she found Werner Herzog’s condescending narration just a bit too much. Still, she says, “no manner of bad narration and impolite observations can take away from the beauty of the sea, the ice, and the non-human animals who inhabit it.”

Greg Wright didn’t have so much luck with The Wackness, though, as much as might have liked such R-rated fare at one time. New York tales such as this, says Wright, strike him as “just too in love with New Yorkers and not in love enough with people (or the world) in general.”

Also released this week: Meet Dave.

Well, there’s no mistaking it: the big news of the movie-going summer appears to be WALL-E, the latest from Pixar… and arriving just in time for some great buzz over the 4th of July holiday.

There will always be naysayers, of course, but the great consensus is that they are wildly off the mark in this case—and Jeff Walls agrees with that assessment. Pixar, he says, has “managed to pull off a film that is quite a delight to watch. It may not match the studio’s best work, but it certainly does not come off as a disappointment.” And as you might expect from Pixar, it’s family-friendly. “The only thing parents will need to worry about with this film,” says Jeff, “is how to explain why the planet is such a mess in the future. And that may not be the worst conversation to have.”

Also out this week (and not much competition for WALL-E) is the R-rated sci-fi thriller Wanted, which Jeff says deserves “credit for creativity” in spite of its predictability (and “more bullets blasting out of the back of people’s heads since The Departed).

In the art houses, you might consider Up the Yangtze, a documentary about the human cost of China’s Three Gorges hydroelectric project. Greg Wright gives it a qualified recommendation: “There are great things to think about in connection with the Three Gorges Dam, and Chang brings several of them up; we can be grateful for that. Finally, though, the film is just a little too slack for my taste, and talks too little about the dam itself. Americans should be cautious about judging China too harshly.”

Two high-profile PG-13 comedies make their bow this week… and neither is likely to demonstrate legs at the boxoffice, in spite of the star power attached.

Probably the better of the two is Get Smart, a remake of the TV show with Steve Carell headlining as Maxwell Smart, Agent 86. The storyline has been remade to suit Carell’s everyman-makes-good image, and the Mel Brooks-ian silliness has been supplanted by something resembling a real plot and “meaning.” Despite the “complete lack of chemistry between Carell and Anne Hathaway as 99″ and “director Peter Segal’s tendency to let gags run on to a point where they cease to be funny,” says Jeff Walls, Carell’s just enough to make it work.

Mike Myers’ The Love Guru wears out its welcome a little more quickly, says Michael Brunk. “How many penis jokes, urine soaked mops to the face, and grade-school plays on names does one movie need? I don’t know the answer; but whatever it is, The Love Guru is over quota.” Still, he says, “I didn’t find The Love Guru painful to watch. I found enough laughs to feel entertained by the time the closing credits rolled. It was all the wincing at low-brow jokes in between that took the shine off the experience.”

Greg Wright has better things to say about Mongol—even though you might wonder, “Why should we care to see a 126-minute subtitled period film about a 13th-Century Mongolian boy who loses his position of privilege, becomes a slave, escapes, is re-captured, and is then sold back into slavery?” This Russian-German co-production about the making of Genghis Khan is old-school epic filmmaking at its best, Wright advises, along the lines of Lawrence of Arabia. If you’re inclined to see it at all, see it on the big screen.

Mike Gunn also enthuses, in a reserved way, over the merits of Chris Bell’s steroid-use documentary Bigger, Stronger, Faster. Rather than a Michael Moore-ian diatribe, he finds it an even-handed, if sometimes painful and troubling treatment of a complex issue. “The public sentiment” regarding the topic “is ignorant and rabid,” Gunn writes, “and I, for one, am deeply grateful and appreciate Bell’s chutzpah in exposing it.” Both controversial and “intriguing and fascinating,” he continues, the film is one he hopes “that parents will watch it with their children, who are often the biggest losers when it comes to steroids.”

Also in limited release this week: The Animation Show 4… which is NOT for kids.

The latest iteration of The Hulk—this time courtesy of the beast’s own publisher, Marvel—may not be getting the kind of reviews that Iron Man has, but reviewer Jeff Walls likes it quite a bit. He finds it “anchored by terrific performances from Edward Norton and Liv Tyler,” and that it features “strategic and well-timed humor.” Aided by “terrific special effects, this film manages to make the Hulk more realistic-looking than the somewhat cartoony earlier version.”

Ah, if Greg Wright only had such nice things to say about The Happening, M. Night Shyamalan’s much-promoted venture into R-rated territory. Though he grants that the film is “aiming toward something meaningful” with references to environmental damage and the power of love, he finds that the subjects deserve “a much better treatment than this shoddy, predictable variation on the zombie genre.”

But he does have great things to say about the (soft) R-rated Norwegian art-house flick Reprise, finding that it “offers an intelligent artistic and philosophical look” at the dilemma behind recapturing artistic magic. “It’s an optimistic and progressive view of life,” he says… and then cautions: “The problem will be getting past the film’s first twenty minutes. Resist the urge to walk out; give it just ten more minutes than you might be inclined to… I think the film will win you over.”

Jennie Spohr also finds The Promotion to be a soft R full of underplayed, intelligent humor. “This is not the gag-reel type of goofball comedy. Instead, these are two guys who could very easily exist in reality—and could just as easily get themselves into and out of these awkward situations.”

Also reviewed this week: Lord, Save Us From Your Followers, and John Cusack’s scathing satire War, Inc.