Gospel.com Blog

Ever felt stressed? Like the whole world was asking you to do something for them? Like the very things that you call good in your life are the things that are most stifling?

Well, here’s an article I ran across from the Narramore Christian Foundation’s Psychology for Living site called, “Say No to Burnout” that you should read.

Here’s a few insights from it:

When I discovered that burning out was not God’s will for my life, one of my biggest problems was, “How do I say no?” I quickly learned that I could not wait for people to approve of my saying no. I couldn’t wait for their permission or for someone else to do the task in my place. I simply had to say no, whether or not anyone but God Himself understood.

And:

I have found that friends who are committed to burnout will, of course, urge me to burn out with them! They may even try to make me feel guilty if I don’t become involved in activities which in themselves are good, but which may add too great a burden to my already overextended schedule. In the process I’ve discovered that the advice of even godly friends is only as valid as their own perspective on burnout.

Love is in the air today, whether you’re planning a romantic date with your significant other tonight, or are eagerly waiting for the holiday to be over and done with. There are a lot of useful articles and resources at Gospel.com about sex, marriage, dating, and relationships, and today seems a perfect time to highlight some of them. Here are some Valentine’s-themed items to get you thinking:

• ACTS International has a large collection of articles about marriage and relationships that are worth perusing. In particular, check out The Art of Staying in Love and Seven Secrets for a Successful Marriage, both of them aimed at married people. If you’re single, take a look at Single and Satisfied and Sex and the Single Adult.
• In a serious relationship, and thinking about marriage? InterVarsity has a free Bible study that explores the question What Qualities Should I Look for in a Future Spouse?
• Blaine Smith of Nehemiah Ministries has written a lot of good material (including a few books) about relationships, dating, and marriage. One of his best articles on the topic is Is God a Matchmaker?, which looks at the question of whether or not God has chosen a “special someone” for you.
• If you’re looking for short, inspirational messages about love and relationships, In His Steps has two collections of devotionals on the subject: one set of Valentine’s Day devotionals, and another set of devotionals about love.
• The ThinkChristian blog has two items talking about sex and the Christian life: a report on Lauren Winner’s speech about whether good sex is possible in marriage; and another asking whether Christians are too uptight about sex in general.
• On the ever-popular topic of sex, writer James Watkins has an entire site dedicated to “adult topics”: the Adult Site for Adults, where he talks frankly about, well, adult topics like sex and relationships.
• On the lighter side, Reverend Fun has a nice collection of cartoons with a Valentine’s Day theme.
• No collection of holiday links would be complete without a word from the Christian History Institute. So who was the original St. Valentine? And was he a romantic Romeo-type figure? Why is Valentine’s Day named after him?

That’s a lot of reading to do between now and tonight. But even after the romance of Valentine’s Day has come and goes, much of this material can help you keep your relationships healthy and Christ-centered. Have a happy Valentine’s Day!

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship has an interview with Mindy Meier. Mindy has been doing campus ministry for quite some time and has recently compiled answers to some of the most questions she is frequently asked in a new book called Sex and Dating.

From the online interview:

Many InterVarsity chapters seize the opportunity to schedule special events around Valentines Day. “If you’re ever going to have a talk on sex and dating, or on relationships, it’s certainly an appropriate time to do that,” Mindy said. Through television, music, and movies, students are bombarded by sexually charged messages. “They need to hear a Christian voice and a positive presentation of sexuality from God’s point of view,” she added.
…
Although a lot of the questions, and the answers, have stayed the same over the past 20 years, there are some new ones that relate to technological innovations, for instance. “No one was meeting marriage partners on the internet 20 years ago,” she said. “That presents new issues.”

People who are matched by computer often have amazing compatibility. But that only goes so far, because relationships still take work. “It’s always merging two personalities, and that’s challenging,” she observed. But when inevitable problems surface the internet isn’t necessarily to blame. “Any two people that try to put together a relationship are going to run into some bumps in the road.”

Valentines Day is an important day on campus, because college students are interested in love and relationships. InterVarsity staff help students focus on healthy relationships that can stand the test of time.

The full audio interview is interesting as she attempts a few quick answers about topics like, “How do you know if you should get married to the person you’re dating?” She offers the advice that you don’t marry a person you marry a family. Ask yourself the question, Do I want to spend 50% of my Christmases with these people? A fact that not everyone thinks of before marriage.

Sex and Dating is available now through InterVarsity Press. You can read the table of contents and excerpts form the book here.

Are you in a mentoring relationship that needs some direction? New Christian Life Ministries “passion is to see believers live Spirit-empowered lives.” Their web site is run by the author Rev. James Hall, who has this to say about his ministry:

After years of careful study of the Scriptures, much thought, and countless personal witnessing and discipling exchanges, God has birthed these guidelines and lessons in Jim’s spirit and made them available to others under the title “The Harvester’s Handbook.”

His eWorkbook and curriculum is designed as a program for young believers to walk through the basics of the faith with an older believer. Advice and support are provided for the more mature believer in this process as well.

If you’re interested in trying out the discipleship eWorkbook, you can find the first two units for free online here (free sign-up required). Each additional lesson costs $1. The eWorkbook allows you to keep a daily journal and guides you through some of the basics of Christianity with plenty of biblical backing.

Their prayer “is that through this ministry, many will come to know Christ, and many will truly learn what it is to follow our Lord and Savior.”

Everybody gets angry sometimes–whether we lash out at those around us or keep it locked away inside our heart, we’ve all been angry. Is there a place for anger in the life of a Christian? Is anger always a bad thing? How would “good” anger differ from “bad” anger?

In an essay at ACTS International, Richard Innes explores a topic we’ve all dealt with: anger. If you struggle to control your temper, or if you are angry about something and not sure how to reconcile your anger with your faith, take a look at Innes’ balanced approach… and learn how to keep the “tiger within” on an emotionally (and spiritually) healthy leash.

Do you have questions about marriage and family life? Sure you do–everybody runs into conflicts or surprises in their relationships with their spouse and family, whether it’s a minor issue or a major one. The Winning at Home ministry has a large collection of Q&As that cover all manner of family challenges, from finances to remarriage to “staying in love” with your spouse. Each question is answered in audio format by Dan Seaborn (and sometimes by several other experts as well!). If you’re wondering what to do about a tricky family problem or question, don’t just brood on it–take a look and see if Winning at Home can help.

If you have a pet cat, you may know what happens when another cat strays into its territory–most cats switch into an aggressive, over-protective stance when confronted by another cat. It’s amusing (and sometimes annoying) to observe–but have you ever considered that people sometimes react similarly when somebody else strays into their physical or emotional “territory”? At the Strangely Dim blog, Dave Zimmerman has an interesting post about the human instinct to protect our turf, with some thoughts on God’s original intent for human boundaries and interaction.

Have you ever been “emotionally slapped” by somebody? Almost everyone knows what it’s like to be treated rudely or cruelly by somebody else–it’s a painful experience that leaves us wanting to strike back at the person who hurt or insulted us. But what’s a Christlike response to being emotionally hurt? how can we “turn the other cheek” when our attacker is using words and gossip to hurt us?

In a three-part series of essays at Soulation, Dale and Jonalyn Fincher talk about how to handle situations like this. The first article talks about the experience of being “emotionally slapped”; the second discusses ways you can constructively respond, and the third describes how and when you should confront a person who’s hurt you emotionally.

These articles are just a few available online at the Soulation online library. If you like these articles, take some time to browse through the many others available at their site.

Ever been frustrated when your spouse made a major mistake–wrecked the family car, botched the monthly budget? Have you ever made such a mistake yourself, and found yourself faced with the painful challenge of asking forgiveness? It’s all part and parcel of marriage, and in a recent column at Winning at Home, Dan Seaborn talks about the importance of seeking forgiveness after your inevitable goof-ups. (And he relates a cringe-inducing anecdote from his own marriage to illustrate.) If you’re frustrated with your spouse over a mistake–or if you’re trying to figure out how to ask forgiveness for a mistake that you made–Dan’s observations are worth reading.

Can virtual relationships–cultivated over an internet forum, in an online game, or with an internet community–be “real” relationships? Is there something fundamental about a face-to-face personal relationship or community that isn’t present in its online counterpart? At the Youth Ministry Exchange, David Garrison (who has lots of experience with online communities and games) asks some hard questions about the different between “real” and “virtual” relationships.

Looking to the Bible for a definition of community, he makes some challenging observations:

Real relationships are hard; mostly because they are hard to control due to the reality of other people being involved. Virtual communities provide an opportunity for us to have a greater level of control, or at least perceive a greater level of control, over those relationships and seek to engage people on our own terms rather than risking them engaging us on our terms. I am seeing more and more people trading genuine relationships for virtual ones. With the advent of MySpace, Facebook and other social networking sites, it is becoming easier than ever to abandon reality and seek to fulfill all of our relational needs virtually. And it feels like those needs are being met.
But they aren’t.

Read the full essay for his reasoning and conclusions.