Gospel.com Blog

Happy Valentine’s Day from Gospel.com!

If you’re still scrambling to come up with a perfect (or at least acceptable) gift for your significant other, you probably don’t have any time to spare reading Reverend Fun’s collection of Valentine-themed cartoons. (On the other hand, maybe there isn’t much left for you to do besides laugh.) And of course if you’re single and pointedly ignoring Valentine’s Day, you can at least read ‘em and chuckle at the silliness of the holiday and the societal stir it causes each year.

What is a Valentine, exactly? It’s not just a mildly witty romantic card you pick up at the florist along with a bouquet of roses. Valentine—make that Saint Valentine, and there was more than one person who bore that title—was a Christian martyr, although details of his life (and his connection to what would become a holiday about romantic love) are somewhat vague. Christianity Today has a concise history of the holiday and the practice of card-exchanging on February 14, as does the Christian History Institute.

If your curiousity isn’t satisfied by those articles, the Wikipedia entry for Saint Valentine has more info, and History.com has an entire section devoted to the holiday.

A lot of Valentine’s Day material focuses on the early stages of a romantic relationship: initial courtship or dating, with some discussion of engagement or marriage. But for millions of people, the focus of Valentine’s Day isn’t a first date or schoolyard crush, but an everyday marriage relationship that has seen its ups and downs over months, years, or decades of married life.

To help husbands and wives think through their marriage relationship this Valentine’s Day, I can’t think of a better resource that ACTS International’s collection of essays about marriage and family relationships. Here are a few highlights:

• The Art of Staying in Love: is there hope for a marriage relationship after the “honeymoon wears off” and the intensity of romantic love starts to fade? Richard Innes describes what true love looks like in your marriage—love doesn’t begin and end with that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling.
• Living Again After Divorce: it might seem wrong to talk about divorce on Valentine’s Day, but it’s a reality for countless people. If Valentine’s Day brings with it bitter memories about a divorce or broken relationship, this essay can help you gain perspective.
• Building a Healthy Marriage hits on some similar themes, encouraging husbands and wives to work on growing in love rather than just falling in love. See also Seven Secrets for a Successful Marriage, which has lots of practical advice.

As trivial as it might seem compared to “real” holidays like Christmas and Easter, Valentine’s Day can be alternately exciting and terrifying. Although several years of marriage have given me a new perspective on relationships and this particular holiday, I remember well the weirdness of being single on Valentine’s Day: if you’re in a relationship, it prompts all sorts of deep and difficult questions about love and commitment; and if you’re not in a romantic relationship, Valentine’s Day is at best an annoyance to be skipped past and forgotten as quickly as possible.

But whether you’re enjoying your 40th year of marriage or are planning to stay home and watch the NBA Dunk Contest by yourself this Saturday, it’s still worth taking a few minutes to consider the Bible’s teachings about love and relationships. One of the most thoughtful Christian writers I know on this topic is Blaine Smith of Nehemiah Ministries. Here are two essays that will get you thinking this Valentine’s Day:

• Is God a Matchmaker? Written with singles in mind, this essay tackles an oft-repeated but somewhat dubious claim: that God has picked out one perfect person for you to marry. So are you supposed to sit back and wait for God to bring that person into your life—and how would you even recognize the “right” person? Blaine finds the message behind this idea a bit troubling, and has some good suggestions for singles intimidated by the prospect of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right.
• The Compassion Factor: what does real love look like? It doesn’t always bear much resemblance to the love on display in books, movies, and popular culture. If our expectations about love are unrealistic, we risk failing to recognize it when it appears.

Both of these essays are from Blaine’s book Should I Get Married?, which despite the title is not just for couples considering marriage; it’s a good all-around book about Biblical relationships and romantic love. Enjoy—and have a good Valentine’s Day!

What do you do when life deals you lemons? James Watkins, columnist (and friend of Gospel.com) has a new book out that asks just that: Squeezing Good Out of Bad. The new book focuses on practical strategies for dealing with the trials and setbacks we encounter in everyday life.

James has put a full chapter from the book online; it challenges us to rethink pain—and to consider that God can work through pain and tragedy to bring about good in our lives, even though it’s hard to see that in the midst of our suffering. There’s also a Yahoo group where you can discuss Squeezing Good Out of Bad with James and other readers.

And while you’re taking a look at James’ site, don’t miss his Valentine’s Day resources—lots of articles and essays about love, marriage, relationships, and sex, all of which are probably on your mind as television ads and florists remind us of the approach of Valentine’s Day!

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship has an interview with Mindy Meier. Mindy has been doing campus ministry for quite some time and has recently compiled answers to some of the most questions she is frequently asked in a new book called Sex and Dating.

From the online interview:

Many InterVarsity chapters seize the opportunity to schedule special events around Valentines Day. “If you’re ever going to have a talk on sex and dating, or on relationships, it’s certainly an appropriate time to do that,” Mindy said. Through television, music, and movies, students are bombarded by sexually charged messages. “They need to hear a Christian voice and a positive presentation of sexuality from God’s point of view,” she added.
…
Although a lot of the questions, and the answers, have stayed the same over the past 20 years, there are some new ones that relate to technological innovations, for instance. “No one was meeting marriage partners on the internet 20 years ago,” she said. “That presents new issues.”

People who are matched by computer often have amazing compatibility. But that only goes so far, because relationships still take work. “It’s always merging two personalities, and that’s challenging,” she observed. But when inevitable problems surface the internet isn’t necessarily to blame. “Any two people that try to put together a relationship are going to run into some bumps in the road.”

Valentines Day is an important day on campus, because college students are interested in love and relationships. InterVarsity staff help students focus on healthy relationships that can stand the test of time.

The full audio interview is interesting as she attempts a few quick answers about topics like, “How do you know if you should get married to the person you’re dating?” She offers the advice that you don’t marry a person you marry a family. Ask yourself the question, Do I want to spend 50% of my Christmases with these people? A fact that not everyone thinks of before marriage.

Sex and Dating is available now through InterVarsity Press. You can read the table of contents and excerpts form the book here.

Valentine’s Day is upon us once again! Several Gospelcom Alliance ministries have published good materials dealing with those always-tricky questions about love, sex, and relationships. Without further ado, here they are.

• Valentine’s Day articles by James Watkins
  Light-hearted essays about love, relationships, and all that other stuff that’s on your mind this Valentine’s Day.
• Is God a Matchmaker?
  Has God predetermined if and who we will marry? How would we recognize that person? Is God a cosmic matchmaker?
• Marriage, Relationships, and Family
  A huge library of articles at ACTS International about everything from singleness to maintaining a healthy marriage.
• The Real Story of Valentine’s Day
  Do you know the real story behind Valentine’s Day? Read the true story behind this romantic holiday at the Christian History Institute.
• Valentine’s Day cartoons
  Holiday cartoons from the crazed mind of Reverend Fun.
• The Biblical Ideal for Marriage
  What are the top qualities you look for in a spouse? What about the qualities you have to give to someone?
• Peggie’s Place Valentine resources
  Lots of inspirational Valentine-themed links and resources to discover.

Have fun reading through these resources–we’ll add more as we find them!