Gospel.com Blog

Does God have a particular person chosen to be your spouse?

This idea has been used for years to comfort despondent Christians who worry that they’ll never find Mr. or Mrs. Right, and given that we believe God to be all-knowing and all-powerful, there’s a certain sense in thinking that He’s got somebody picked out for us all.

But if you think about that idea for a while, some questions and problems present themselves. If God has somebody “picked out” for you, should you actively search for said person, or trust that God will bring them into your life? How do you know if somebody is “the one”? And what about the gift of singleness?

Here’s how Nehemiah Ministries answers the question:

[In 1 Corinthians,] Paul stops short of guaranteeing that God will provide a spouse to anyone who wants one. Neither here nor anywhere else does Paul—or any biblical writer—lock God into a required response to any human need. There is always the possibility that God will choose not to meet a need directly but to give the grace to live contentedly with unfulfilled desires, a point Paul stresses in his second letter to this church (2 Cor 12:7-10).

Still Paul puts the accent on hope in his teaching on marriage, and throughout his writings urges us toward faith in a God who provides all of our needs in Jesus Christ (Phil 4:19). If you want to be married, you certainly have reason to stay hopeful that God will provide someone to meet that need unless he changes your desire or in some clear way shuts the door.

Again, it is important as you maintain this hope to keep your expectations within reasonable bounds. If you’re thinking, “God has one ideal choice for me,” you may be setting your standards for that person impossibly high. When we consider the perspective on God’s role which was in Paul’s mind as he wrote 1 Corinthians 7, it seems to be not “God has one ideal person for you to marry”—but “God will help you find a suitable partner.” This is usually a more edifying thought to dwell on. The person whom he gives you to marry will have imperfections and failings, just as you do. Still that person will complement you in a way that will work for your greater happiness and a more fruitful life together for Christ.

Read the rest of “Is God a Matchmaker?” at Nehemiah Ministries.

What do you think? Is God a matchmaker? Does this idea fit with, or go against, your own experience?

What do you think?

Love is in the air today, whether you’re planning a romantic date with your significant other tonight, or are eagerly waiting for the holiday to be over and done with. There are a lot of useful articles and resources at Gospel.com about sex, marriage, dating, and relationships, and today seems a perfect time to highlight some of them. Here are some Valentine’s-themed items to get you thinking:

• ACTS International has a large collection of articles about marriage and relationships that are worth perusing. In particular, check out The Art of Staying in Love and Seven Secrets for a Successful Marriage, both of them aimed at married people. If you’re single, take a look at Single and Satisfied and Sex and the Single Adult.
• In a serious relationship, and thinking about marriage? InterVarsity has a free Bible study that explores the question What Qualities Should I Look for in a Future Spouse?
• Blaine Smith of Nehemiah Ministries has written a lot of good material (including a few books) about relationships, dating, and marriage. One of his best articles on the topic is Is God a Matchmaker?, which looks at the question of whether or not God has chosen a “special someone” for you.
• If you’re looking for short, inspirational messages about love and relationships, In His Steps has two collections of devotionals on the subject: one set of Valentine’s Day devotionals, and another set of devotionals about love.
• The ThinkChristian blog has two items talking about sex and the Christian life: a report on Lauren Winner’s speech about whether good sex is possible in marriage; and another asking whether Christians are too uptight about sex in general.
• On the ever-popular topic of sex, writer James Watkins has an entire site dedicated to “adult topics”: the Adult Site for Adults, where he talks frankly about, well, adult topics like sex and relationships.
• On the lighter side, Reverend Fun has a nice collection of cartoons with a Valentine’s Day theme.
• No collection of holiday links would be complete without a word from the Christian History Institute. So who was the original St. Valentine? And was he a romantic Romeo-type figure? Why is Valentine’s Day named after him?

That’s a lot of reading to do between now and tonight. But even after the romance of Valentine’s Day has come and goes, much of this material can help you keep your relationships healthy and Christ-centered. Have a happy Valentine’s Day!

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship has an interview with Mindy Meier. Mindy has been doing campus ministry for quite some time and has recently compiled answers to some of the most questions she is frequently asked in a new book called Sex and Dating.

From the online interview:

Many InterVarsity chapters seize the opportunity to schedule special events around Valentines Day. “If you’re ever going to have a talk on sex and dating, or on relationships, it’s certainly an appropriate time to do that,” Mindy said. Through television, music, and movies, students are bombarded by sexually charged messages. “They need to hear a Christian voice and a positive presentation of sexuality from God’s point of view,” she added.
…
Although a lot of the questions, and the answers, have stayed the same over the past 20 years, there are some new ones that relate to technological innovations, for instance. “No one was meeting marriage partners on the internet 20 years ago,” she said. “That presents new issues.”

People who are matched by computer often have amazing compatibility. But that only goes so far, because relationships still take work. “It’s always merging two personalities, and that’s challenging,” she observed. But when inevitable problems surface the internet isn’t necessarily to blame. “Any two people that try to put together a relationship are going to run into some bumps in the road.”

Valentines Day is an important day on campus, because college students are interested in love and relationships. InterVarsity staff help students focus on healthy relationships that can stand the test of time.

The full audio interview is interesting as she attempts a few quick answers about topics like, “How do you know if you should get married to the person you’re dating?” She offers the advice that you don’t marry a person you marry a family. Ask yourself the question, Do I want to spend 50% of my Christmases with these people? A fact that not everyone thinks of before marriage.

Sex and Dating is available now through InterVarsity Press. You can read the table of contents and excerpts form the book here.