4 Comments

1. Linda says:

   January 5, 2010 at 6:29 pm

   I’ve wondered and when I ask the question: “Does this mean I must suffer in order to be blessed?” the Word says “No, but the blessing will come with persecution…” Be Blessed in Jesus Name.
2. chrisv says:

   January 20, 2010 at 6:48 pm

   The pain after they leave us here on earth us
   unbearable..even thought your know they have gone home..we are left behind.

   After losing both of my children..our daughter Tiffani 24 years ago ..at
   that time I did not understand what Jesus had done for me…

   after loosing Stephen….the loss is much harder.

   Seems like being a Christian the knowing that Stephen is with Christ…is so
   much more miserable for me more so than Tiffani.

   Sometimes I do not understand..I was raised here, my parents had three of us
   by the time my mother was 18..my parents did not want any children..they
   made that very clear. Both my parents already died. Dad age 58 alcoholism
   and drugs.
   Then Mom 67 to alcoholism drugs and suicide.

   I really thought when I married Larry I would be that perfect family..love
   my husband with everything I have..having a family to be the best mother I
   could.

   It started to fall apart when Stephen was born with at that time an unknown
   blood problem. It was passed down from my father.. never was diagnosed in my
   dad.. dad never seen any doctors. All these years of working to give Stephen
   a chance to have the life which I did not. Tiffani was born after Stephen.
   She was healthy. Then we loose her to SIDS. She weigh more than Stephen when
   she was 3 months old..Stephen was 16 months.

   Then a year later Larry is diagnosed with MS.

   I keep asking myself..why has God allowed this to all happen? I keep looking
   at my life..trying to find the place where I had made a mistake that caused
   all of this.

   I pray and pray for God to give me sign that he has my children safely…and
   I hear or feel nothing. None expected anymore.

   My faith is at rock bottom her over the holidays…I always loved having the
   three of us here for Christmas..thinking we are so blessed to make it this
   far with all the health problems.

   I have read so much scripture looking for help…it all seems so empty to me
   right now.

   I am hanging onto small booklet that a 96 year old friend gave me a few days
   ago is ” You Can Trust God” by Jerry Bridges. I have read it over and over.

   The pain is something I cannot even explain anymore….its like I am on the
   other side is all I can think.

   Larry’s health has gone down a bit..he is going into testing next week…I
   found out that Larry has hepatitis C also just like Stephen. Larry has this
   from Viet Nam. Stephen got his from blood transfusions when his spleen
   ruptured.
   Guess hepatitis can be dormant for many years.

   For me I am so frustrated..I have been married for almost 32 years…over 25
   years of that I was racing back and forth between Stephen and Larry to help
   them with health problems. I started my corporation ( Tiffani & Associates
   Ltd) just to get healthcare for Stephen….it was $1000.00 a month to cover
   him. Then I worked to pay for his degree in the company..paid it off a month
   after he graduated.

   It’s all gone..a sheer cliff.

   So here I am struggling to find out where I am going again.

   My life was caring for Larry and Stephen all these years.

   Guess life really can get bad for some..

   Over the holidays seeing families together..just torn me apart..my dream was
   gone being that wife and Mom… I am a wife..but it seems so broken apart by
   MS.

   Two weeks ago when it was -17 I was so alone..I tried calling the church..no
   one was there (they closed because of the weather)…my email was down..I
   tried contacting two other churches here in Colorado Springs…none never
   contacted me back..the church where I attended 18 years gave me some quick
   scripture..then told me I was not a member and they could not help me.

   Maybe this is what God is trying to show me……pain of loss is a fear of
   many churches…….we all want to hear the good stuff…but run from the
   pain.

   I think I could handle this better if I was 85 years old..not many years
   left for me here on earth…but I am 55..feeling so lost of the very fact of
   having 20-30 years ahead of me still..carrying this pain.

   Me running from someone asking how many children do you have? The answer is
   so crushing for some to hear. Then seeing Larry where he is at.

   It is lonely to walk in all this pain…..trust God for it is for His
   Glory..I need to hang onto..not sure how all this is to His Glory…but it
   must be….

   I give up God has nothing for me
3. cjl says:

   January 29, 2010 at 9:08 am

   I am so so so sorry for your pain. I don’t know what to say, I’m not so wise, but I know this one thing, God is real..He does love you. He can bring comfort to a broken heart, and heal a wounded spirit. Seek out some professional help, there are chemicals in our bodies that get out of balance and need to be corrected to help us in terrible times..which does not diminish God at all.
4. lsheppeard says:

   February 2, 2010 at 1:35 pm

   It is in our suffering that we find our faith. I have lost three children,gone through divorce with a man I loved dearly and the Lord has restored my life. You can not replace what has been lost, but you can use your testimony to help others. I had to learn long ago that God put me through things to witness to others. Who better to minister to broken people than those of us who were once broken(or still might be). I hear your story and I am hurting for you as I read it. Your story is still untold though, you can tell it in your words of desperation, you need to be heard. Please reach out by getting connected to those who will lift you up. I know that during my worst moments I would not humble myself to ask for help. It is okay to ask God and others for help. I have also felt distanced from God and punished myself. Remember the Devil pursues those who have the greatest calling on their life because his goal is to seek and destroy. If you allow the Devil a foothold in your life he will take it. I will pray for peace and for a community of believers to surround you. Remember Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
   May peace be with you my friend..