4 Comments

1. Joey says:

   September 6, 2009 at 12:35 am

   I am trying to get a point across and to show something to my nephew who has just turned 14. He is a good child, has been saved, and preaches what he ‘knows’ from the Bible to anyone and everyone no matter who it is or where there at. Besides of my discomfort with him actually preaching to people at such an early age just as a pastor would at church, he has so many misconceptions of what is in the Good Book and I am really concerned and worried about him. I am worried that he might share or ‘preach’ something that isn’t accurate and lead someone down the wrong path with his words. You would have to be present to experience it. One problem is that he will get interested in a subject or book in the Bible and study it as he was obsessed and until he can quote from that book. He then moves on to another book or chapter that HE IS INTERESTED IN, not just any book, and do the same. From an insider knowing what he does, it looks and appears that studying the Bible is a hobby for him and books or passages that he is not interested in, my nephew does not study. He preaches and quotes the Bible from parts of that he has studied relentlessly but when he is questioned about something he hasn’t studied, he gets so defensive that you could not even imagine, he starts pointing out personal faults and telling the person who is listening whether it be me, his other uncle, or anyone, that they are the one with the problem. This has gone on for a long period and I truly wish to help him and let him know just what little bit that I know as an adult. I am not proclaiming to be anybody of importance or significance; I am a child of God and an infant Christian. I just observe many behaviors that he has learned or put into practice b/c he doesn’t know any better and then will not listen but get hostile and defensive when you try to help him or discuss with him different concepts and different passages in the Bible that we, as Christians, are expected to follow. He, by his own admission, is passed the age of accountability and I merely wish to discuss with him Christian standards that are in the Bible, not man’s rules and legalism, but the written truth. One topic, for instance, that I am trying to get through to him is going to Church. His mother used to take him to a non-denominational Church that seemed to just by-pass the Old Testament all together excluding the 10 Commandments and creation. I understand that you or anyone can have Church at home or anywhere where two or more are gathered in His name; BUT my nephew doesn’t go to Church at all and from the inside and outside looking in and looking out, he does not give it a second thought. I just got off of the phone from a 30 minute conversation about the subject and the human side of him will not listen or try to understand different passages and Christian standards that are in the Bible that he doesn’t already know. This goes back to him listening to someone else discuss or educate him about stuff he doesn’t know. I almost believe that that is one of the reasons that he doesn’t attend any Church and doesn’t care because that that is one of the reasons we go to Church; to gather with other Christians, to Praise and Worship, and learn!(just to mention a few) He comes off to me, and others by their admission, that he knows all there is to know that is important in the Bible. I am really concerned because I love him and want him to do the right thing and follow through what God has laid out for us. I am not trying to tell him that we should sacrifice animals which was a common practice in the old testament, (Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice), but Christian Standards and rules, for example going to Church, is an expectation, not an option. He says that his name won’t be erased from the Lamb’s Book of Life for missing Church occasionally, but it is not occasional. His mother isn’t there b/c of her job to take him but he has many different ways to get to any church he wants to go to. IE, I just called a while ago to invite him to Church tomorrow and he came out and said that he didn’t feel like it. This was after he made up many excuses like homework, he wanted to be alone, ect, I replied that I am sure Jesus didn’t ‘feel’ like hanging on the cross to pay for our sins but He did. He got defensive to the point that to save argument, I offered to take him to any Church he wanted to go to. It slipped out of his mouth that he didn’t like my Church so even offered to take him anywhere as long as he went and showed God an honest effort. I should have reminded him that there will come a day that we will not have Churches with doors open inviting us in, they will be locked and Christians will have to meet in secret in order to stay alive. I do not know what to do and will continue to pray about how to react and what to say to him, if I am supposed to say anything to my nephew at all. But as a Christian that knows, what I considered basic Christian principals, I feel an obligation to tell him what he is missing; not to judge him but to add to what he knows and how important it is. I dare to discuss other things that goes on in his house of a single parent family with 2 kids. Its like no attention has ever been payed to the chapters in Exodus before the 10 Commandments. I do not know how to talk about those actions or know if it is my place to. I am often treated with contempt when I try to mention an ‘alternative’ way of living, when I am really telling them that a particular action is wrong. I believe that a 14 year old boy who preaches, says he has reached the age of accountability, and ‘educates’ people on what they are doing wrong, should not have to sleep with his own mother every night because he is scared. He does not have a bedroom b/c him and his mother share. When the mother is at work at night, he has to sleep with his 18 year old sister who has severe asperger’s disease. He cannot go to bed alone. When his mother is off, and I am over, she cannot stay up past 10:30 on a school night because he has a fit and will not let her have any peace until she comes back there. What typically happens is she lays there until he is good and asleep and then gets back up to watch tv or come over to my house while he is asleep next door. I am trying to remove myself from the situation so I can see from the outside and also trying to see from each of their perspectives. If the mother agrees with something he needs to work on, she says that it is her fault and tries to pick up the blame and put it on herself, that doesn’t fly now. He is passed the age of parent accountability for their children. When he goes off on one of his preachings modes and I try to discuss the subject from a different perspective, he gets defensive and will even argue till the point that he is calling out my personal faults bc he gets so offended just because you disagree with him. The mother will not stop him and lets him rage on even in somebody else’s house. I have stopped him before on the basis that this is my house and you need to respect your elders. I have also recently stopped arguments by way of saying, ‘Do you think Jesus would be proud or be pleased to see two Christians arguing over the past and/or arguing about what you should wear to Church, how you should preach, and (whatever he argued about)?’ This is not pleasing to God so STOP, I am not going to talk about it anymore. It burns him up but I stop the argument and conversation. If it has gotten to the point that I made that comment, then the evening or whatever we were doing has ended and all will go home, or as soon as we leave a restaurant or whatever we are doing. I hope someone can appreciate how frustrating it is when you are just trying to do good and every time you mention something to help another Christian grow and learn something new, you start an argument and make someone so angry its unbelievable. I have, am, and will continue to pray about this situation, but is there anyone out there with any advice or has been through a similar situation? I apologize for the long blog, but I am really concerned and need help.
2. kakooza umar says:

   May 11, 2010 at 9:36 am

   am kakkoza umar ugandan pastor love to join you in jss name.
3. BlindDamascusPaul says:

   July 11, 2010 at 8:16 am

   I think you are doing the right thing by praying. We often underestimate the power of prayer. Pray to God that He would reveal to you what is the exact nature of your nephew’s spiritual situation. Sometimes, like in Samuel’s case, a young child is not yet burdened with the world’s experiences and can clearly and innocently hear a calling from God. I appreciate that you are leaving room for him to grow according to his own personal relationship with the Lord.

   And yet sometimes, this kind of behavior is just an attempt to “grow up” and act like an adult. Don’t forget that your nephew seems to be in a situation where he is “the man of the house” and the world will put all kinds of ideas in his head about what is expected of him. He is missing some spiritual covering by not having (and not ever really having?) an older man in the house to protect him. This can cause all kinds of responses, good and bad.

   Just remember that as a believer and a relative, you can partner with his mother in prayer for him and have full spiritual authority to drive out any ungodly influences in this boy’s life. And I say boy for a reason. Most young men do not fully mature until they are 23 years old, yet you will not be able to convince them of this until they are in their late twenties. Their executive functions are still being formed until 23, whether they like it or not. But their minds and experiences and even folks all around them are telling them to grow up right away. “Act like a man!” “Don’t be a baby!” “You’re just a boy… what do you know?!?”

   Please pray that your nephew would continue to study the Bible, and that he would be led to a community of strong believers. You might want to share the book “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren with him from the library. Instead of talking about it as a book he has to read to get wisdom and grow up, ask him if he has read it and ask him to explain what certain portions mean. Tell him that it is one of the best-selling Christian books of all time after the Bible. This might grab his attention, and then you can ask him if he would be willing to read it together with you as a 40 day devotional, “just for fun.”

   In the end, your role as uncle could transform this young man into someone who values relationships. It’s not about changing his mind, it is about changing his heart. It is more important to keep the dialog going and to grow your relationship with him than it is to convince him that certain truths from the Bible are worth learning. He needs someone close to him to model an unconditional love in a fresh way, because it sounds like he is not getting enough of that at home, especially not from mature men.

   Take him for a walk, or an ice cream, and maybe he will let his defenses down and really open up about the pain and the hurt that is locked inside of him. It might take a number of years but keep praying and do not give up. God bless you my friend. You are truly a man of God to care so deeply for your nephew.
4. sherik says:

   October 9, 2010 at 1:30 pm

   To BlindDamascusPaul–excellent advice to Joey. The last thing this young nephew needs is being hammered to go to church on account of Joey’s frustration. The nephew has clear emotional needs; he’s 14, no father, mother works, has a sick sister and needs the comfort and security of sleeping with someone. He’s hurt and angry, he needs love and patience and clearly someone who gets this about him. God is the only one who can touch this boy’s heart and certainly can do it through the care of a mature Godly man, perhaps in a local Boys Club or group. Or find a mature youth pastor to come along side him. Pray and God will intervene!