Should forgiveness be unconditional?
Should forgiveness be unconditional? At first glance, you might think that unconditional forgiveness is an obviously good thing, but different Christians have varying perspectives on it.
RBC Ministries has an answer to the question in their article “Should forgiveness be unconditional?”
People often have the impression that the Bible requires forgiveness to be unconditional. But the Bible doesn’t say that. It tells us that we should “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). While God’s forgiveness is undeserved, it certainly isn’t unconditional. The Lord’s forgiveness is offered only to those who confess their sin and repent (2 Chronicles 7:14; Leviticus 26; Luke 13:3; 1 John 1:8-10).
On the surface, it might seem noble to forgive unconditionally. But unconditional forgiveness is usually motivated more by fear than by love. And because of this it’s usually destructive. If a wife continues to forgive a habitually unfaithful and abusive husband unconditionally, her toleration of his behavior will probably result in even more abuse and disrespect. This kind of “unconditional” forgiveness expresses a determination to cling to the status quo. No matter how bad things are, this woman fears that things will probably get worse if she holds her husband accountable. Her passive acceptance of his behavior will probably encourage him to continue in his sin. Instead of her forgiveness being a helpful act of love, it is actually a violation of love that will hinder his growth toward Christlikeness.
I believe that unconditional forgiveness is a must. For us to not forgive someone, regardless of whether the offense was justified or not, we revoke the Lord’s forgiveness of us. We then become the “ungrateful servant” Matthew 18:21-35. Why? Because there is no offense that can be committed by man that can outweigh the offense that we have committed to God by our sinfulness, which is merely disobedience of Him and his laws 1John 3:4. The offenses that we have committed to our Creator, Father, Provider, Lover, Savior, Protector, Healer, etc.. from our day of birth, exceed what any offense committed to us are. And despite it all, God gave His only Son for our sins to save us from the horrible death that we are deserving of. And His Son interceded for us and asked God to forgive us, BEFORE we even repented and confessed our sin and offenses to Him. Jesus is our example. If He waited until we confessed our sins and repented before He asked His Father to forgive us, we would be in a world of hurt. The debt we owe is unpayable, so we have no right to determine who should receive forgiveness or put conditions on it. As for the wife with the abusive husband, she should forgive him not out of love for him, but out of her love for the Lord. She should approach him, humbly and in meekness with the intention of trying to bring him in better relationship with the Lord through her own actions. If that doesn’t work, then she is to get 1 or 2 members of the church, if that doesn’t work, then go to the church, and if he refuses to listen even then, then he is treated as a non-member of the body of Christ. Matthew 18:15-17. But she must still forgive him. Her getting people to intercede is not for her behalf, it’s for his benefit, so that he may be in good relationship with the Lord and be righteous, but she must also be righteous. Then as always, it is up to Lord to judge him, because only He knows if the husband will repent.
Unforgiveness in the body of Christ has become a huge stumbling block. We can’t give undeserving forgiveness, only the Lord can do that because He has the authority to judge. We as Christians must give Unconditional forgiveness, regardless of the circumstances and then pray about it and turn it over to the Lord. Is it always easy? No. But what Jesus did for us wasn’t easy either, and He overcame. Again, He is our example that God sent so that we may be saved…now THAT’s Love. Praise God.
I was in a marriage where there was physical, mental, verbal abuse. What does the bible say about divorcing in this case?
I have been searching the bible on that same issue, but it only speaks of divorce because of adultery. it is spoken about in matthew, john, 1 corinthians just to name a few. the issue is, God never intended for divorce. it was not His will, but He honored Moses’ law on it (for what is bound on earth will be bound in heaven Matthew 18:18) because of the callousness of our hearts.
Pray on it and seek the Lord’s counsel. And do whatever He says. God does not delight in seeing His children in pain or broken or hurt. He sees all and knows all. He is just and merciful, so trust in Him that He has the answer and that He will bring healing. Then be patient and wait on Him. A good scripture to read… Psalm 92
I too was in a horrible marriage that was filled with abuse and also adultery. I divorced and has since been remarried to a wonderful man who respects and takes very good care of me and my children. Although the Bible only offers adultery as an out and for remarriage, it also commands the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and this is not happening in your situation. You need to get out. You’ll have to seek your heart about divorce and remarriage if that becomes an option. I only know that now I can worship the Lord with gladness and without fear. I’ll be praying for you as you seek guideance.
I am in the same situation. My children and i were at two shelters before we ended up in the transitional housing that we currently live. The only reason the physical abuse has stopped is because we don’t live together. I just found out last night that he has been having some female friends. He denies any unfaithfullness. Now ever though we live seperatly we are still married ( as of today that is ). He had began to come to church with me and we both got baptized together. I was tryen so hard to make it work with him. We have 3 small kids after all. But once i found out that he is having some (what kind he wont admit ) interaction with other woman. Not knowing how far it went. Is that justifiable enough to divorce. Years of verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse. Now lies and private ventures. I am a baby Christian and i need some advice so bably. If one or all of you can help. Please e-mail me at mgentillon@yahoo.com
I’m moving forward with divorce papers because i know God did not mean for me to suffer this way. I will turn 30 yrs old next month.
Since my husband sinned so harshly against me, is he considered dead in the eyes of the Lord, when it comes to the Laws of marriage. I search and search in the bible and i’m just lost. i have Jesus, and my kids.
Love and Peace fill your day.
I was in an abusive relationship. I am a believer and have been all my life. My parents are even missionaries. The shame that I carried with me about the relationship and the state that i was in and the fact that i got myself in it was so overwhelming that I did not leave for a long time. I risked the safety of my child and myself because i was not sure of divorce. I too researched divorce but could not find anything outside of unfaithfulness.. Then i thought about that… isn’t the husband being unfaithful to us in his promise to love honor and cherish… safety etc. I know God does not agree with casual divorce but I truly believe that when a husband has made a covenant with and before God and his wife that he will be faithful in providing for his wife(safety, food, love, peace, and a SPIRITUAL head of the household does he not break this covenant by being unfaithful and abusive , God sees.
It is hard but God knows your heart and wants to see you seeking his will and His friendship and intimate relationship. Provision will come and wisdom also. Keep moving on. Know that God is with you and wants you and your family to be safe and free to worship him. God Bless and stay safe and seeking Gods will. i pray that you will one day be safe and out of harms way be able to forgive as I have. It is such freedom.
my xwife committed adultery with a man of the holy cloth. I was persecuted by her, the catholic priest friend and my own Parish/ Church. My church betrayed me.
However my children are the real victims of this event.
There is a difference to reading scripture and reading and “believing with your entire heart” that you are hearing the words coming from our ALMIGHTY GOD who speaks through the HOLY SPIRIT directly to you.
This is what GOD has spoken to me. I yield to his words and redirect all my anger and emotion. This is my testimony which has saved me. He has turned my heart of stone to a heart of flesh. Thank you God
for this is what I believe he spoke to me many many times:
Romans 12:9-21 (New International Version)
Love
9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[b]says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[c] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
God be with you my brother and sister
I was in the same situation as you. However, spiritual abuse was involved as well. I am a born baptist but converted to coptic orthodox to marry him. The coptic orthodox church is “THE STRICTEST” religion I have ever come across, especially when it comes to their views on divorse, it is strictly forbiddon or the patron will be kicked out of the church. However, even in this church divorse is permittable under 2 circumstances only, adultery & abuse. I am pretty sure they got this strait from the bible, seeing as how they interpret the bible so literally! i am sure this website would have bible references cited under FAQ’s….. http://www.suscopts.org
Romans 12:9-21 (New International Version)
Love
9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[b]says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[c] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
a good book to read…”The Bait of Satan” by John Revere
I THINK FORGIVENESS SHOULD BE UNCONDITIONAL BECAUSE YOU MIGHT DO SOMEONE WRONG AT SOMETIME IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU WOULD LIKE THEM TO FORGIVE YOU.
God asked us to forgive not only our friends but our enemies also. Therefore Forgiveness should be unconditional.
I believe forgiveness is unconditional because the Bible states that in order for us to be forgiven by Jesus, we need to forgive those who have hurt us in some way. However; just because we forgive those who have hurt us in some way does not mean that we have to remain in that relationship to allow the abuse to continue. It does not mean that we have to put ourselves back in that situation to allow them to hurt us again. You must forgive in order to have peace in your heart. You must also protect yourself and your children. You should pray for the person you have forgiven that they may find salvation some day and that the Holy Spirit will work in their heart to turn from their sinful nature.
My church is very strictly evangelical and believes divorce to be permissible in the case of physical, though not psychological or emotional abuse. Personally, I believe the latter to be permissible as well, since if the actions suggested by Tricia W. fail to work, the problem can be just as damaging as physical violence. I think the distinction is a dated one that treats mental illness and harm, like depression or PTSD as not being quite as “real” as a physical injury or illness.
On my own problems on the foregiveness issue, I have enemies who are government officials that have abused me greatly and continue to do so. My pastor told me these people were pawns of satan (their assualt on me began shortly after I was born again and became a passionate believer). I have a hard time understanding what foregiveness even means in that context, particularly since I still have legal issues regarding unethical conduct that I feel bound to bring to the attention of their governing bodies. A friend in Christ told me foregiveness here would be like unchaining myself from this person as we stay linked otherwise together in Satan’s dungeon.
I’d appreciate other believers thoughts on this issue. I have become bitter and obsessed with these people and at the very least I would like to be able to turn my thoughts to all the good things referenced by Paul in Phillipians 4:8-9.
Blessings and thanks to all.
Forgiveness doesn’t equal salvation. We are told to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”. (James 1:2-4). This is about more than yourself, God has created you for good service. Good service to others for their sake. Remember you were bound and waiting to be thrown into the fire, when the Spirit of the Living God made himself known to you, you repented and he forgave you and changed your very nature. You were no better than these government enemies, no more deserving of Gods love, no more deserving of His mercy, grace, faith… Show them Christ in you, show them love, this is the only hope of changing them. If they reject this love it will be like heaping burning coals on their heads. John 3:16 tells how God sees these enemies, if it were otherwise there would be no hope for any of us. There are to be sure two types of forgiveness, one is based upon repentance which leads to everlasting life. The second is to forgive hoping they will repent and come to our Lord. When Christ’s enemies hung Him on the cross he said “Father Forgive Them For They No Not What They Do”. Those who killed Him still went down to destruction, unless they became aware of their sin and repented. Christ knew that most men would reject Him but he bore them no malice, only justus. Feel compasion for your enemies, “They know not what they DO”, thanks be to Jesus you do know. Your brother in Christ, GQ.
I was employed by a woman I believed to be “the spawn of satan”. I had never felt such hate for someone. I went to my pastor as I did not want to have a spirit of unforgiveness. He advised me to pray for this person. I shuddered at the idea. However,I wanted to be obedient to God and extend a spirit of forgiveness toward her, as I was bound to this situation.I started with a brief prayer as I really could not muster up any “warm feelings” for her but, I also prayed that God would work in my heart as well as hers. Before long I was praying sincerely for her and a great saddness and empathy for her and her “lostness” overcame me. I left that job 8 years ago along with the bitterness and unforgiveness. Pray for them, pray for you, and have others pray for and with you regarding the spirit of unforgiveness that is in your heart. I will be praying for you, God Bless you. Stephanie
Scripture is our only standard for life and teaching. Luke 17:3 says If your brother sins against you rebuke him. IF he repents forgive him. There is absolutely no Biblical mandate for unconditional forgiveness. Unconditional love yes. Unconditional forgiveness NO. Jesus says that we should forgive as we have been forgiven. Clearly Scripture teaches that our forgiveness from the Father is conditioned upon our REPENTANCE. We certainly need to be ready and willing to forgive IF our brother repents. To forgive without repentance is not only foolish, but is a sin against both love and truth. It is a direct disobedience to Luke 17:3 mentioned above. It encourages and rewards the sinner in his sin and may lead to his ultimate destruction in hell.
This is not love.
Those who believe that God’s forgiveness is unconditional are holding the doctrine of “Universalism”, which is one of many unbiblical false teachings abroad in our world today.
This is not love.
People, please read the Bible and take God for what He says in His Precious Word. The Bible is His Word. Please just take God at His Word. Scripture only.
Forgiveness it makes your heart happy,to forgive other people it makes you to go to another steps of God given to us. Forgiveness is a kind of trials to us and we should also to forgive us God forgave us our sins. as like our Lord Jesus Christ he, removed being God and be like ordinary like us because of His everlasting love to us He gave His body as sacrifice to forgive all our sins and given us new body, newman, new hearts and minds and our old clothes already died on the cross and dont look back for we are new creation of God and have new steps of lives in His Journey. as it said 1 John 3:16 hereby perceive we the love of God because he laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for our brethren:)
Even God gets your life today, you have peace of heart and minds because you obey the laws of God to FORGIVE! the best you can ever be to walk in His kingdom in pure soul and humble heart
I forgave my husband for committing adultery. I told him face to face that I forgive him. Though we are still married, he continues to live with the other woman. I felt it was necessary for me to forgive him, in order to move forward. In order to receive salvation, I feel he needs to repent to God, not me. He has not apologized for his actions nor stopped.
God is Love! I cannot control my husbands behaviors, it is obvious, but I should not suffer because he does not choose to repent. So I guess what I am asking is how is forgiveness without repentance foolish?
A few years ago we had a guest speaker, a former pastor, who was addicted to pornography. He was married. His wife forgave him, but she lives separately – this was before he repented. It took him a couple of years. Even though they were working on mending the relationship, they still were living separately, but married. You do not have to live with a husband that continues to cheat on you. Forgiveness is not about taking abuse and accepting. You must also tell him that he must stop this – you must change your attitudes and actions around him, otherwise he has no reason to stop – no consequence. Jesus did not forgive people without asking them to repent of their sins.
You should not suffer, you need to take care of yourself also. If you need to separate, do so, it is wise to do that. Get as much support as you need, ask your church members, your family, to help you separate. Take care of yourself.
“2 Kings 24
1 During Jehoiakim’s reign, Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon invaded the land, and Jehoiakim became his vassal for three years. But then he changed his mind and rebelled against Nebuchadnezzar. 2 The LORD sent Babylonian, [a] Aramean, Moabite and Ammonite raiders against him. He sent them to destroy Judah, in accordance with the word of the LORD proclaimed by his servants the prophets. 3 Surely these things happened to Judah according to the LORD’s command, in order to remove them from his presence because of the sins of Manasseh and all he had done, 4 including the shedding of innocent blood. For he had filled Jerusalem with innocent blood, and the LORD was NOT WILLING TO FORGIVE.”
“The LORD Appears to Solomon
11 When Solomon had finished the temple of the LORD and the royal palace, and had succeeded in carrying out all he had in mind to do in the temple of the LORD and in his own palace, 12 the LORD appeared to him at night and said:
“I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices.
13 “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. 16 I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there. ”
Jeremiah 36
Jehoiakim Burns Jeremiah’s Scroll
1 In the fourth year of Jehoiakim son of Josiah king of Judah, this word came to Jeremiah from the LORD : 2 “Take a scroll and write on it all the words I have spoken to you concerning Israel, Judah and all the other nations from the time I began speaking to you in the reign of Josiah till now. 3 Perhaps when the people of Judah hear about every disaster I plan to inflict on them, each of them will turn from his wicked way; then I will forgive their wickedness and their sin.”
Acts 8: 20 Peter answered: “May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! 21You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God. 22Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. 23For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”
1 John 1:9 (New International Version)
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
Look and search your Bible: The Lord DOES NOT FORGIVE UNCONDITIONALLY!
Tricia, where you said:
And His Son interceded for us and asked God to forgive us, BEFORE we even repented and confessed our sin and offenses to Him. Jesus is our example. If He waited until we confessed our sins and repented before He asked His Father to forgive us, we would be in a world of hurt.
That’s almost like saying, if I was your best friend and you weren’t forgiving your husband because he was cheating, but I came to you and said, “You should forgive him for what he’s doing.” Isn’t that saying that we’re all going to heaven no matter what because He has forgiven us already? Isn’t it still true that we still HAVE to repent and ask for forgiveness to deserve it? Which would mean that even if He’s forgiven us prior to our repentance, it is unconditional?
Most people here have it all wrong. Unconditional love demands unconditional forgiveness. It’s a human thing not to forgive unconditionally and you all believe that God is above humans. Think of it this way, I love my son unconditionally. Even if he disobeys me, commits crimes or does the worst thing immaginable I’d still forgive him and love him. So surely God is a better being than I am, no? It is also written that Jesus said that it’s easy to love those who love you back, but added that you must also love your enemies. How can you love your enemies if you do not forgive them? Pope John Paul 2 forgave the person who shot him instantly not after he asked for forgiveness. Surely while the Pope was a great man, God must be even better!!!
Forgigveness is not become a slave of the sinners (husband, wife, children, relatives, anyone else).
Forgiveness is mastering yourself over the sinners (husband, wife, children, relatives, anyone else).
I BELIEVE GOD’S LOVE AND FORGIVENESS IS UNCONDITIONAL IN THE SENSE THAT HE LOVED US FIRST AND HE SAYS FOR BY GRACE ARE YE SAVED THROUGH FAITH AND THAT NOT OF YOURSELVES IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD NOT OF WORKS LEST ANY MAN SHOULD BOAST. OUR WORKS DOES NOT MATTER, IN THIS SENSE AS SALVATION IS A GIFT OF GOD FREE AND CLEAR. IF IT WAS CONDITIONAL THEN OUR WORKS MUST HAVE BEEN GOOD OR PERFECT IN GOD’S SIGHT IN ORDER TO RECEIVE SALVATION WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE AS WE ALL HAVE SINNED. A TRUE GIFT IS ONE THAT IT IS A GIFT WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATION FOR A RETURN. ALSO FOR THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH BUT WHAT,” THE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH WHOM JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD. SO WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO, ” BELIEVE ON THE NAME OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND THOU SHALT BE SAVED” FAITH IS THE KEY TO UNCONDITONAL LOVE AND FORGIVENESS. WHOSE FAITH WAS COUNTED AS RIGHTEOUSNESS— ABRAHAMS… YES WE WILL WANT TO REPENT OF OUR WAYS, SINS AND TURN TO THE RIGHT PATH BUT THAT IS AFTER WE ARE SAVED AND WANT TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR OUR LORD JESUS. THEN, IF WE SIN WE HAVE AN ADVOCATE WITH THE FATHER, THEN IF WE CONFESS OUR SINS HE IS FAITHFUL TO FORGIVE US OUR SINS AND JUST TO CLEANSE US FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. AFTER WE ARE SAVED, WE ARE STILL NOT PERFECT WE ARE STILL HUMAN AND GUESS WHAT FOLKS WE WILL SLIP AND FALL AND YES WE MAY TELL A LIE OR WE WILL BE TEMPTED AND SOME OF US WILL GIVE IN, THERE IS STILL THE WORLD, FLESH(LUST) AND THE devil TO CONTEND WITH. BUT WITH JESUS WE CAN OVERCOME THESE JUST AS HE OVERCAME THE WORLD./ ONE LAST THOUGHT, THINK ABOUT THE THIEF ON THE CROSS BESIDE JESUS, HE DID NOT KNOW OF JESUS BEFORE AND HE HAD DONE NOTHING BUT eVIL WORKS ALL HIS LIFE, THERE WAS NO PRESET CONDITION TO THIS MAN BEING SAVED. ALL THE MAN DID WAS STEP OUT IN WHAT” FAITH AND ASK JESUS TO REMEMBER HIM WHEN HE COMES TO HIS KINGDOM, AND JESUS SAID WHAT, ” IF YOU SAY THREE HAIL MARY’S YOU’LL BE SAVED AS A CONDITON”, NO!!! HE TOLD THE MAN THIS DAY SHALL THOU BE WITH ME IN PARADISE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE REALLY WAS….
God’s LOVE is unconditional — John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in His name shall have everlasting life.”
God’s FORGIVENESS is conditional — I John 1:9 “If you confess your sins He is faithful to forgive your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness.” John 3:36 “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him.”
God’s UNCONDITIONAL love should lead us to REPENTANCE resulting in FORGIVENESS — Romans 2:4 “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?”
I think that unconditional forgiveness is mandatory. HOWEVER, There is a huge difference between forgiving someone and not being upset. Whenever my friends or family hurt me in anyway, I immediately forgive them and ask God to forgive them, but I still feel the hurt. And there is nothing wrong with that! Sometimes I forgive but I need time to heal. I may be wrong but I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t say in the bible that You are never allowed to be anything but happy.
IM FORGIVING MY WIFE FOR 15 YRS. OF ADULTRY AND THE LAST FIVE YRS OF OUR MARRAGE I WAS RECOVERING FROM CANCER, THIS IS WHAT JESUS WOULD WANT.
I cannot agree that forgiveness should not be unconditional.The great thing with unconditional forgiveness is that it sets you free – this does not mean that you should not hold the person who offended you accountable.In fact love does side with the truth and certainly a wife should make an unfaithfull husband deal with the consequences of his actions should she see that he is unrepentant.But the act of forgiveness will set her free and enable her to carry on her life with or without him in a whole and constructive way.
As with all of our Father’s commandments, forgiveness is designed for our good and will benefit the person who is obedient.But it does take an act of daily (over & over)obedience,because anger and hurt is a condition of the heart and must be crucified daily.Jesus gave us a great example of unconditional forgiveness when He asked God to forgive his executioners and mockers while He was on the cross,even though they did not acknowlwedge their sin.
Someone once told me,to not forgive is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die……
I am young so please forgive my many words and my lack of experience in the suffering, already mentioned that some have stood through. I have not been through the trials, joys, disappointments or even betrayals in marriage, although I have known other kinds of abuse and misuse by others (though God sees me white and righteous if I cling to Jesus’ blood in humility).
I’d like to agree with Sue B. Just to restate she said
“God’s LOVE is unconditional — John 3:16…”
“God’s FORGIVENESS is conditional — I John 1:9 “If you confess your sins He is faithful … and will forgive…”
AND “God’s UNCONDITIONAL love should lead us to REPENTANCE resulting in FORGIVENESS — Romans 2:4 “Or do you show contempt for …[his] riches …not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?†”
I would like to add my opinion on what God might see as love.
We often strongly link “Love with personal happiness or satisfying the desires of ourselves/others”. But I see love as doing God’s work. Loving with purpose… for the immediate well-being and the eternal good of those we know (after all, we believe no life is truely complete until it is met with the peace between us and God)..
Please let me explain…
Love costs. And that unrecognized cost creates unrecognized love and even unresponsive love. And that usually ends up in either resentment or in someone becoming spoilt. Love without purpose is probably more blind and destructive than God ever intended.
Love costs. In the Old Testament God bought his people from slavery in Egypt.
In his laws in leviticus (especially the first chaotic 7 chapters before their actual ordered usage in 8), you can see how costly it was to love and understand love, as God loves… even when u are at fault! You would really have to go out of your way! To anyone who owns flocks or herds, they’d know each animal is darn expensive! …Imagine back then, sacrificing one regularly ! for your sins or, replacing someone’s missing cattle or damaged property, even if it wasn’t directly your fault (-Exodus 22)!!
In Australia, when someone says “I’m sorry” the response is almost always “It’s alright.” I do not see that as wise. Where’s the lesson? Where’s the recognition of the mutual pain or even of the cost we pay in forgiving? Surely, there is a better way… Truely – The greatest insult to God, himself, is NOT recognizing the greatest price he paid (in order to forgive us) and the insult is complete if we just continue to skip down the ignorant road that leads to eternal suffering & humiliation!
As christians, we know God’s price – the punishment we deserve given instead to Jesus! And if as christians, we can’t even help people understand our own immediate (and eternal) love for them…(and the cost it takes for them to love us back properly)… how could we ever explain God’s love and how they need to respond to him!!
I am young, but if this seems right in God’s eyes, please take heed. I can rave so I’ll end with a general statement that I hope will encourage you.
Love costs us dearly. All humans ARE unique and so the situations we’re in are unique AND complex from the affects of sin. In your growing confidence in God’s words, and not in the excesses of pride, love with purpose. Do what you judge to be best (immediate and eternal) for this person, or those under your care (your children), say why you are doing it and stick to your ground, knowing God alone is your rock, and your source of continual forgiveness & wisdom. Teach the cost of your forgiveness. And if you teach your cost in loving them, God may be merciful and change them to also see God’s cost and respond with love.
I agree, forgiving someone is a must, but that doesn’t mean that they are free and clear to live however they want. We do not want to love someone to hell. Correction is sometimes needed and sometimes we forgive someone but we still need to let them deal with the consequences of their actions so that they will not do it again.
Matthew 18:21-23 (New International Version)
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
23″Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
Telephone call CCCS and ask your counselor how this ought to be handled.
By staying in this relationship and maintaining the status quo, you are implying condonation. As a Christian, if you condone these acts, you are not helping him grow in the lord. Any type of abuse is not acceptable, and can be very damaging to your own spirit. I was brainwashed into thinking I was unlovable after years and years of verbal abuse. When you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone. You do not have to divorce to get out of that situation.
I, myself, am having great difficulty with this, but have come to understand that forgiveness is totally misunderstood. It is NOT accepting a wrong someone is doing to you with a glad heart that so many think it is. It is simply letting go of the ill will being wronged creates in us, and letting God handle it. You can’t let it go completely until you get it out of your life. As long as you stay in that situation, your “inner child” will continue to tell you “I don’t like him, he hurts me”. And it should, but the Conscious Adult must step in and separate his acts from his soul, to realize “I don’t like what he DOES and must protect myself from this”, but continue to love him as another human through Christ. You have to stop the pain to quiet the child and let the adult take over.
Unfortunately, these acts don’t free you from the bonds of marriage to remarry. If a separation wakes him up, he may renew his life in Jesus and return. Once you let go, you can begin to hope and pray for his salvation as a Christian should. If you do divorce, it would be an abomination to God to remarry this same man even if he is renewed in Jesus. If he rejects the works God brings into his life and commits adultery, then you are free to remarry after you abide by the laws of the land (divorce).