Putting limits on our freedom: the “weaker brother” scenario
In a recent advice column at Slate, a reader wrote in to ask how to handle an awkward situation in her church small group. (The relevant letter is the second one down the page.) A wife in the group asked the letter-writer to change her outfit because the wife’s husband struggled with lust; the outfit, while not inappropriate, might nevertheless tempt her husband to sin. The letter-writer went along with the request, but felt awkward about the experience.
This seems like an instance of the “weaker brother” scenario, in which Christians are encouraged to voluntarily refrain from actions that might cause spiritual problems for fellow believers who have “weak consciences,” even if there is nothing morally wrong about those actions. (See also Romans 14:1.)
It’s a well-known Christian principle, but it’s also a challenge to apply to everyday situations like the one described in the Slate advice column. If you’re not doing anything wrong, how obliged are you to change your behavior (or your outfit, in this case) because somebody else can’t control their lust (or other sinful impulse)? Where is the line between gracious accommodation of a weaker brother, and having your choices dictated by that brother’s weakness?
Have you ever been in a situation like this—either as the “weaker brother,” or as someone who voluntarily gave up one of your “freedoms” in order to help a stumbling fellow believer? Based on your experience, how would you counsel the letter-writer in the Slate column?
The “weaker brother”,though biblical, must be handled carefully and with wisdom. Many denominations have “rules to be followed”.
You must wear a suit or dress in church. You can’t be part of a labour union, you should drive a simple car, live in a modest home etc. or they are offended. Don’t be afraid to discus the “offense”. Stubbornness to listen to a brother/sister is also a problem. If a brother in our church doesn’t where a tie, I reprimand him and remind him of what Hezekiah 3:22 says about dressing up. It’ll bring a smile to their face. Guaranteed!
COME ON PEOPLE AS IF THE WAY WE DRESS WAS THE ONLY PROBLEM THE CHURCH HAS…
The weaker brother…Ha! THAT’S AN UNDERSTATEMENT…been there done that…ON WHAT SIDE OF THE COIN…are we talking…THAT AS A SINNER OR
THE WEAKER BROTHER AS A FOLLOWER OF CHRIST….a baby new CHRISTIAN…
@ one time I was a weak sinner…saved by the same Blood that was shed for all men…Still by no means any excuse for the church to degrade me for morally falling…BACKSLIDING we call it…How many times over and over and over and over again…TOO MANY TO COUNT!!! People put their eyes on the sin OR THE SINNER instead of their God…Love, mercy, forgiveness I felt no mercy except that which came from God himself…My journey from then on was pointless and hopeless…And the relationship I desired with JESUS was beyond my reach…What I saw and how I was treated in allot of churches was unimaginable…but I was compelled by his love…JESUS…to keep going whether I was wrong or right…LOVING JESUS…the best way I knew how…Churches only taught me to be self conscious of myself and others…Another time as my relationship was growing…someone came up to me in Church and said I was worshiping too loud…How loud is loud when you are worshiping… IT’S THE SAME WAY I’VE ALWAYS BEEN TAUGHT IN A NON-DENOMINATIONAL/PENTECOSTAL CHURCH TO WORSHIP… @ that point i was made to Cower-down…Was I the weaker brother? A sinner,a saint, or just another punching bag…To be accepted, loved and looked upon as one of them…The stage had been set and my heart does not see myself as one of them…BUT I AM…BECAUSE WE ARE SAINTS OF CHRIST JESUS…JESUS loves me no matter what…and this is the only reason I am grateful…I am grateful for everyday JESUS CAN USE ME…in my delicate condition…Everyone that knows me knows JESUS is the reason I live…BUT I TELL YOU THE TRUTH I STILL HATE GOING TO CHURCH…IT’S SAD BUT TRUE…GOD HELP ME…
Haha, this same joke again. Hezekiah’s book is the most cited fictitious biblical passage, as if a book that would contain anything you want to find in Bible. It sounds biblical… Nevermore, by a similar pronounce you’ll find Ezekiel’s book where Ez 3:16-21 teaches something wise about dealing with people prompted to sin. It says you have no control of THEIR actions, but you can be asked about their sins if you knows the problem – and the right way – and yet doesn’t advise them properly.
Going back to Slate’s letter, what Jesus asked us to do is to love the sinners. This doesn’t means to cope with their sins! By simply changing your clothes, what are you really doing? Putting the dust under the carpet! In Ezekiel’s Book words, you’d be lacking your advice to a sinner, and then becoming guilty of his blood.
Haha, this same joke again. Hezekiah’s book is the most cited fictitious biblical passage, as if a book that would contain anything you wants to find in Bible. It sounds biblical… Nevertheless, by a similar pronounce you’ll find Ezekiel’s book where Ez 3:16-21 teaches something wise about dealing with people prompted to sin. It says you have no control of THEIR actions, but you can be asked about their sins if you knows the problem – and the right way – and yet doesn’t advise them properly.
Going back to Slate’s letter, what Jesus asked us to do is to love the sinners. This doesn’t means to cope with their sins! By simply changing your clothes, what are you really doing? Putting the dust under the carpet! In Ezekiel’s Book words, you’d be lacking your advice to a sinner, and then becoming guilty of his blood.
We are to encourage, to instruct, and to love our brothers and sisters. We are to treat others as we would have them treat us. We are to love the sinner, and hate sin.
But we are ultimately each responsible for ourselves. We will give an accounting for our lives alone to God.
I have to wonder if the dress of a person in church causes lust, how then does one handle the world and all of its immodesty? You cannot watch television for long, or go to a store, or any of the other innumerable things in the world, and not come across temptation.
Being a Christian does not mean we will never face temptation. And we certainly cannot remove ourselves from the world, or how else can we be a light for Christ in the darkness? It is not in the feeling of temptation — whether it is sexually, or by money, or whatever — but it is in how you act. Do not follow the temptation where it leads.
Dealing with temptation is something we all must learn, for self-control leads to perseverance, as it says in 2 Peter 1:5-9, “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.”
Keep a running dialog with God in your mind all the time as if He is right there with you (because He is) and you find yourself keeping your mind on the “higher things.”
Finally, although grace is not a license to live a sinful life, God does know we are only human and imperfect. This is why He sent His one and only Son as a sacrifice for us. I ask to be forgiven almost every time I pray, because I am just an imperfect and sinful man living in a fallen and cursed world and I cannot do it on my own. I need God.
It is interesting how we can easily cop out of our responsibility to ourselves and place the responsibility on others just because there is a bible verse that says something…If one were to follow our reasoning logically then Jesus, our perfect example, wouldn’t be so perfect after all. Weren’t there many times when his actions (healing on the Sabbath day i.e.) caused persons, such as the pharisees, to just continue sinning?
This wife should realise that the problem is not in the dress her fellow christian was wearing, the problem is in the mind of the husband. She would do well to talk honestly and openly with him about his problem and be willing to begin to look so nice in her own home and in the eyes of her own husband that he wouldn’t have eyes for others outside. The fact is if a man wants to lust no amount of clothing is going to stop him
Of course we have a responsibility to our neighbour, but we should not believe that the mere stopping of an act is going to prevent the sin, our bigger responsibility is to get to the root and that resides in the mind of the sinner.
Well said, Mr Burnett.
I have to confess that a lot of what is considered appropriate dress for women in our culture (even our Christian subculture) is arousing to me. The Slate article depicts a fully buttoned shirt with only a patch of skin on the neck showing, but there are certainly cases where Christian women wear some pretty revealing clothing. I don’t think it’s fair to blame men for being tempted though it’s true that you can’t block everything out and have to submit to God during times of temptation.
As a rule though, I think that if somebody is telling you that your clothes aren’t appropriate, you should really consider whether they might be right before you determine that they are just too conservative. It is a touchy and sensitive issue, but if you assume in the first place that there’s nothing wrong with the clothes you’re wearing, how can you accept someone else’s opinion? You won’t be able to take correction this way. You should ask someone else you trust about the piece of clothing in question.
As a side note, it is well documented that men are generally aroused visually while women are generally not. Because of this, it’s really best if you ask your husband or father or other male friend than another woman because arousal does not register with women the same way it does as men.
That said, I don’t think there is a hard and fast line between supporting the weaker brother and maintaining your freedom in Christ. At a certain level you have to ask the Holy Spirit and see where He leads you. It’s also important to talk about the issue with the weaker brother so that they know where you’re coming from and they don’t assume that you’re behaving in a way that you think is ungodly.
Additionally, make sure that your behavior around the weaker brother is not enabling their weakness. When Paul discussed the weaker brother scenario, he was saying not to eat meat sacrificed to idols with those who have a conscience issue against it. I think that his point was to be open with them about your disagreement of what is approved by God, but practice something that is compatible with their beliefs when with them. This way you are not encouraging them to be weak (by feigning agreement) but rather encouraging them to be strong while also being sensitive to their conscience. I bet the woman who was asked to change her blouse would feel a lot better about changing clothes if she had an open avenue to tell the wife that she thought what she was wearing was totally appropriate.
I am trying to find myself again and God. I just started reading this net site. I must say i agree with Mr Gerald Burnett one hundred percent. May i add that not just dress makes a man lust. The willingness to communicate with each other and laughter through each other is a medium for any relationship.
I think we should dress modestly in church and away from church. It should not matter if woman expose their arms or men choose not to wear a tie. Sometimes we run people away from church instead of welcoming them. As Christians we shoud lead by example not by lecturing people. under the New Testament we are saved by “Grace” not by what we wear. some of the “Holier than Thou folks” probably would have turned away the woman at the well.
Having not been on this site, nor read many of the responses, I’ll ask for some slack if I’m off the mark.
Mr. Burnett’s comments have merit, although I would disagree with the statement that Christ’s actions caused others to continue to sin. In line with that, this entire question has larger implications to me.
Christ reached out, and helped/healed/saved all who came to him authentically and believed. He did not, however, enable, coerce or force anything. Had this man spoken (even with a female chaparone) to the woman directly – stated he would be more comfortable if she dressed differently or openly admitted his weakness and hope for help – I can see a point. His wife requesting this has no affect on the sinner. We all choose to sin or not each and every time the situation arises. No one causes us to do anything- period.
Clothing does not make the Christian. Whether people or society views you as proper or righteous does not make it so. Only the relationship with Christ has any bearing. While a relationship does usually affect our demeanor, dress and habits, other aspects are involved as well.
We cannot protect people from themselves. The very act of trying can stunt them from ever addressing the problem directly to have their heart changed through Christ.
I agree with JonL, if he would of been more honest with himself and spoke about the situation instead of his wife speeking for him, it would not have to be commucated under the rug quitely. Which then would not help him to grow with the Lord in his sin.
There are many sins we all have in our churches that continue to be put under the rug, not just this one, for many reasons. One reason I have heard is to not have the kids hear things. But now as they are getting older and we are too, God is bringing those sins that have been under the rug for years out in the churches. Holding us accountable to help us grow. He has known of them the whole time. It is only hard for us to understand how close of a friend He wants to be.
I think that when we attempt to “do the right thing” for a brother or sister we forget that we are not to indulge someone’s weakness as long as what we are doing can not be construed as a sin. The meaning of the whole concept of “the weaker brother” is that we we should not take our “liberties” as an occasion for someone else to “stumble”. If we partake of an action, such as dressing inappropriately, and that action allows someone else to perform the same action, but by doing so, they would feel guilty about it….and their conscious become wounded, then we have placed a stumbling block in that person’s path. You could use the scenario of robbing a bank with your adolescent child going along with you while you did. The child is being taught that robbing a bank is ok, and will probably grow up with no regard at all about robbing banks, even though stealing is wrong. In our “freedom in Christ”, if it takes a brother or sister a little longer to make the steep climb up a mountain, and we have to slow down and wait for them to catch up, then… slow down (unless all you care about is getting to the top of the mountain yourself)! If this is a struggle for us, maybe we should ask ourself….. who is the “weaker brother” ?? I think that it is safe to assume that there is nothing one can do that can not, in some way, be taken offensively by someone else. Why not take each case by its own individual merits and go from there?
I’ve never heard of Hezekiah 3:22, is that a King James bible? kindly explain