Is God a matchmaker?

Does God have a particular person chosen to be your spouse?

This idea has been used for years to comfort despondent Christians who worry that they’ll never find Mr. or Mrs. Right, and given that we believe God to be all-knowing and all-powerful, there’s a certain sense in thinking that He’s got somebody picked out for us all.

But if you think about that idea for a while, some questions and problems present themselves. If God has somebody “picked out” for you, should you actively search for said person, or trust that God will bring them into your life? How do you know if somebody is “the one”? And what about the gift of singleness?

Here’s how Nehemiah Ministries answers the question:

[In 1 Corinthians,] Paul stops short of guaranteeing that God will provide a spouse to anyone who wants one. Neither here nor anywhere else does Paul—or any biblical writer—lock God into a required response to any human need. There is always the possibility that God will choose not to meet a need directly but to give the grace to live contentedly with unfulfilled desires, a point Paul stresses in his second letter to this church (2 Cor 12:7-10).

Still Paul puts the accent on hope in his teaching on marriage, and throughout his writings urges us toward faith in a God who provides all of our needs in Jesus Christ (Phil 4:19). If you want to be married, you certainly have reason to stay hopeful that God will provide someone to meet that need unless he changes your desire or in some clear way shuts the door.

Again, it is important as you maintain this hope to keep your expectations within reasonable bounds. If you’re thinking, “God has one ideal choice for me,” you may be setting your standards for that person impossibly high. When we consider the perspective on God’s role which was in Paul’s mind as he wrote 1 Corinthians 7, it seems to be not “God has one ideal person for you to marry”—but “God will help you find a suitable partner.” This is usually a more edifying thought to dwell on. The person whom he gives you to marry will have imperfections and failings, just as you do. Still that person will complement you in a way that will work for your greater happiness and a more fruitful life together for Christ.

Read the rest of “Is God a Matchmaker?” at Nehemiah Ministries.

What do you think? Is God a matchmaker? Does this idea fit with, or go against, your own experience?

What do you think?

23 Responses to “Is God a matchmaker?”

  • Jess says:

    You know, that’s a really interesting question. But, I think sometimes it is just the right person. I’m thinking of Abraham and Sarah, Esther and Xerxes and others that the marriage was the start of something bigger than the individual union.

    Yet, I also understand that just because we may pray God, give me someone to love and marry me – that is not a request, that is praying an answer. I don’t have the answer, but God’s will and purpose is comfort enough.

  • vedav says:

    i was glad to find this topic today. i am 51 years old & have not had a meaningful male/female relationship in 10 years. i became a Christian a little over 10 years ago. i did believe that God would send me a mate. no one approached me at church or church events with an interest in a relationship with me. i prayed for someone but not consistently, i just felt that God would bring this person to me.

    i was actually okay not having anyone. but now i am very much desiring to have a mate & i have gone on a dating website because that is the only way i know to meet someone. i have issues because i am female & the bible says he that findeth a woman finds a good thing. i still consider the issue of burning which i have in my heart & my body. i feel i have no choice, i still pray & try to study for distraction but my body does seem to win out. at my church, my pastor says the singles ministry is not to find a mate but to discuss & do events to uplift us in our singlehood. of course, the majority of participants are women anyway.

    • Vetta says:

      Vedav, please allow me to share my prespective, for whatever worth it may hold.
      I turned 52 on Nov 30th of this year, only a few days ago. The best birthday present I can ever remember receiving is the gift of being called someone’s woman, after eleven long years of being divorced and not dating anyone.

      At times I began to feel that there wasn’t anyone out there for me. No one significant approached me at church, events, etc. However, while listening to a christian radio broadcast, where a woman called in to complain about the exact same dilema, the advice she received was to broaden her options by joining online dating service. She had tried it in the past and was bewildered. So had I. However, the words of the men who hosted the broadcast were inspiring, not only to her, but to myself as well.

      Several months passed before I was able to avail myself to the a christian singles site, but I did, after having discontinued my membership with them nearly three years ago.

      Within three days of being online, we met. He fits me like a glove.
      He was on the site for the second time as well. However this time, he was on it for only two weeks when we met.

      I recieved several hits of interest from other men, but what caught his eye was my profile, after the picture attraction of course. I stated that the gentleman interested in me must be a tither and a giver (I am). He loved that! We met and it’s been a God-thing ever since.

      So, is there someone out there for everyone? Let’s just say this. I checked back into the site out of curiousity. I’ve had 121 interest (besides those who simply bookmarked or viewed my profile), and none of them were of interest to me. David and I both agree that we click spiritually. I’m quickly growing in love with. He was well worth the wait.

      So sister, let me encourage you with this. Your flesh has no real control over you. It’s whatever you set your eyes, heart and mind on that takes control. If you’re having trouble with your flesh now, imagine what would happened if you met someone. So please give that over to the Lord. He will take it from you and return it when necessary. I did and I’m still holding steady until we marry someday.

      Remember the bible says that out of the mouth of two or three witnesses, let every word be established. You’ve only given me one word on a man finding a wife. However, Esther made it her business (along with the help of Naomi), to make herself available to Boaz. He saw and he made up the difference. I’ll be praying for your. Keep your flesh under. The only bed that is honorable is the marriage bed. The rest is undefiled.


      • Susan says:

        Hi Vetta. I’m so encouraged my your sharing. Please let your readers know how things are coming along and when the wedding date will be. :)

  • Rev. Robert Boswell says:

    My advice is marry only for the glory of God and you will get His best for you.
    I am 100% sure that God wants humanity to marry and multiply (see Genesis). I am also 100% sure that God knows who is absolutely the best spouse in the world for each of us, at any point in time. That is the best person for His glory. I don’t dare demean Hosea who glorified God in his unhappy marriage to Gomer. Marriage like all else in life is not for our happiness. However, I won’t lie to you it, certainly can turn out to be very happy; It depends on your attitude towards Him. So except for Hosea, knowing the character of God, most marriages should wind up happy if they are done His way.
    Further, it is NOT an organization, but the family that God designed as the primary structure for passing on knowledge about Him. Deuteronomy is clear on this. Every family should be a micro-church, every father senior pastor, every mother executive pastor, every child raised up as associate pastors. That would be the ideal and what we should all hope for.
    I think there are exceptions. The Bible recommends against marriage during times of persecution and tribulation. There are also those who feel called to singleness and those who are born or forced to be eunuchs, like the Ethiopian and Daniel and company.
    In my case, I told God I would be a ‘bachelor to the rapture,’ but He said “NO.” Actually, what I said was I would not marry unless God thought I and my wife would bring Him greater glory than we each would as singles. (We also planned to wait on having kids, but got pregnant on the honeymoon.) God has given me plenty of things that I did not ask for that are way better than I would have chosen. I am so glad Romans 12:1-2 taught me that. Actually, the whole being a slave to God idea of Romans 6 is working out pretty good. I am getting the idea that slavery to God is much less negative than it sounds; more like sons who are servants, than slaves who are mistreated.
    SO my prayer was “God don’t let me marry anyone, unless You think it best for Your glory.” My wife prayed the same way. That way when we said, “I do” we knew we had God’s will for our lives, since we also know He hates divorce. We simply were depending on God’s consistency. GOD LOVES IT when we treat Him as dependable in every choice we make. After salvation there is no bigger choice than making a marriage covenant. Pretty much all other choices we make are in the spirit of “let your yes be yes” (Matt 5:37), but a marriage is a covenant promise made before God and witnesses. I don’t think God would ever want to be known as permissive of covenant breaking.
    Always remember a marriage is not about two people, but God plus two people. That is a whole family. That’s my two cents.

    • Seth says:

      I love what you said about not marrying unless you and your wife can believe you will bring more honor to God as a couple than as singles. I met someone recently and I’m “thinking” far too much as I tend to do. Choosing to date or even become exclusive somewhere in the future does not ensure we would get married. It simply opens the door for God to lead us. I’m having a tough time with deciding whither to explore things further and am seeking the Lord intently but I’m very blessed as I’m reminded that above all, if you bring more glory to God single than you would with that person, you had better not get married!


    • Alex says:

      If you do not mind me asking, how old were you when you got married? Just wondering because it sounds like a very mature thing to do and I have friends who are 22 and 23 getting married and I am pretty sure they have yet to even think of this, I hope one day to view marriage as you do.

  • Pat says:

    While I do understand that God’s will is different for each of us concerning marraige, I most certainly believe he brought my husband and I together–no doubt in my mind. For one, He let me know he was coming…. I dont believe women should launch a major search. I feel she should keep herself and her mind on God and wait for her blessing. (worked for me anyway :-)) And while the marraige is not perfect, cause I know I would never claim to be, I feel I have my TRUE soulmate because I gave it over to God to handle.

  • JRW says:

    A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing! Too much time is spent trying to find the one you think will fit your little box as your husband or wife. I spent most of my single life dating. God told me that it was not right. I would not resist the temptation to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. I thought it was for my benefit…for experience. Instead, it was a world of bondage, sin, and worshipping of idols. It was until I stopped and denied myself, “Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing…I am sorry.” I had been trying to make it work with men who were not seeking to lead as a husband should. So I humbled myself, and told the Lord “Not my will, but thy will be done.” Then the Lord revealed to my husband that I was his wife. He did not try to date me. He told me that he was interested in marriage. Can God send your spouse? Yes, he can and will according to his purpose.

  • crystal says:

    I know that this is probably late to bring to this discussion. But, I think it will bring hope. I started searching for someone special 20 years ago. I felt that Yahweh had someone special for me I just had to go out and find him. I made over 23 mistakes. In every relationship it went bad. I gave up looking. I was so dejected by all the times I had been treated bad and used, I was not wanting a relationship anymore at all. Thinking back I can hear God sigh and say “Finally!!!” I had been so busy looking and finding the wrong people, and last March when I finally gave up looking and gave it to God. He gave me the perfect person. Perfect for me and for God. He is a beautiful Christian man. And this time instead of trying to commit myself to a relationship, I am trying to commit my relationship to God.

    And he has done as it says in Mathew.

    33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

    I am not garenteeing you the perfect man or woman. But I wanted you to know there is hope. My prayers were answered the second I left it to God and said “Your will before mine”.

  • James says:

    I look at it this way as was said above quoting a scripture “A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing” . Thinking about “finding” a wife (or husband) maybe it is like finding some money, it usually doesn’t happen to you while you are hunting for it. BUT if you happened by and saw some money (say 20 dollars) laying along the path and you just passed it by you would only be able to say that you saw twenty dollars. IF you picked it up and took it with you then you could rightfully say you “found” twenty dollars.
    James Robison once said these words “You can do more than pray after you have prayed but you can do nothing but pray until you have prayed” Marriage is a two way street that turns into a One way.

  • This seems to me a funny question. I wanted Children when young but saw the problems My Mom was having with my Father and us kids. I did not want a Husband. However God did not take the burning away when I prayed for a life of abstinance. So when I had had enough of subjecting myself to being mistreated by boyfriends, I prayed for a Husband and was led into the Military . Married quickly after. Married 29 years now and the last 8 have been good. Husband finally came around to knowing God and treating me Better. Would not wish the first 20 odd years on anyone though. I do not in particular believe the old saying of “you will Know if he is the right one” . I still wonder why people say that.

  • David says:

    God set me up with a partner even though I wasn’t looking. I prayed about it early in my Christian walk and that was it. I was absorbed into the Lord and I wasn’t worried about a partner. The Lord gave me this tremendous dream which led me to initiate my relationship with my partner. Albeit, after 6 stubborn months of receiving confirmation through countless dreams, signs, and prophecies that this was the partner
    for me, I still wanted to be absolutely sure. The Lord finally shook away all doubt when he spoke to me last year in a way that I absolutely knew that this partner was the one for me. In all, I know that there are various factors that one could consider regarding this matter. In my own personal life, I wasn’t worried about anything else, except “seeking His kingdom and His righteousness.” All things have gradually been added since then, and continue to do so. One of them was my partner.

  • jem says:

    I had prayed for my “God’s will” when i was young. Until I found him in the same ministry i am in. We started as friends, but the attraction was there. Until the time we admitted what we feel for each other. We were still young then, but we were very much involved in the ministry. There were some time when we were separated from each other. But I still prayed for His will for me. I dedicated myself to serving Him. Then, we got together again. After 5 years of having a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, we got married. still at an early age. But throughout the years we are together, God is very much present in our lives

    I can say that we don’t have a perfect relationship. But as we reached our 15th year wedding anniversary this year, i would say that it takes commitment, effort, patience and tons of prayer that God would keep the love and respect for each other. We have dedicated our lives to giving a better future for our 3sons. We still continuously pray for each other and for out sons and how we could raise them up as God wants them to be.

    I would definitely say that God gave me the right partner for me to grow with and i am very thankful for all the years we had together and for the coming years God will give us.

  • Mayra says:

    None of the comments/article here have really helped me. If we all serve the same God why then do we all have different experiences and opinions. I am 27 years old I serve God with all my heart. I am very confuse. I want a family. I pray and I don’t hear God’s voice.

    • Joe says:

      Mayra, I understand how you feel. I find this same problem on just about every Christian blog. Everyone there has a different opinion…and so all that does is bring tremendous confusion. It’s just my opinion, but I feel you should do whatever you have peace about. If you have peace to look for a spouse then look for one in faith and ask the Lord to direct your steps and give you peace. And if it’s not the Lord’s will then pray He will shut all doors. I believe the Lord gives us freedom in this area, and the right answer for one person may not be the right answer for another. I believe we need to do whatever the Lord is putting on our heart. For some people this may mean searching for a mate, while for other people it may mean learning to wait for the Lord to bring the mate. The key is that we hear what He is saying to us individually, and sometimes hearing him is just going with whatever we have peace about in our heart — that peace (or lack of peace) is His answer to you — that is how He may be speaking.

  • Sierra says:

    Sometimes we pray but deep down, we aren’t really listening. God works under His timing, not ours. We may want to know what His plans are for us right away–and yet, wait for years. The Bible says, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matthew 6:34) It also says, “Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.” (The Message Psalm 139:16)

    God knows who we will be and what we will do with our lives before we even take our first breath. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13)

    So who are we to question God? Who are we to ask Him, the wind and wave husher, the Sustainer of the Universe, why He has not answered our prayers or brought forth the man/woman that we are to spend the rest of our lives with? He holds the universe in His hands- with the sound of His voice he created the Heavens and the Earth. In His word He promises to answer your prayers. He is a loving and faithful God, like none other.

    I am sixteen years old and I, growing up in ministry and learning to live and love Him, have found all this to be true. He loves His children, and if you’re living and breathing your every breath for HIM, He will bless you!

    I am still waiting for the man God has for me, not to say I don’t think about it on a regular basis. But when I do, I do pray about it. I pray for the man God has for me, because I know He does have one… I’m just waiting. And in the mean time, I’m doing everything that I can to work towards my goal, which is to LOVE others, LEARN more about God’s love and what we can do to be like Him and to serve Him more. He died for me and for the world, and for that, I honor Him, trust Him, Believe in Him, wait on Him, serve Him… and as God’s children, I believe we were all meant to do the same.

    Isaiah 45:18 He says
    “I am the LORD,
    and there is no other.”

    For His Glory,

    28And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming. 1 John 2:28

  • JDan30 says:

    God will lead us to who He knows will best suit us, and best suit our mate if we let Him. We must allow God’s will to guide us, and not let our physical nature do the deciding. The carnal flesh will lead us to the wrong decision everytime, but God is perfect and everything He does is with perfection. Then it’s up to us after marriage to keep God as the foundation of the relationship, and continue to follow His will for it to last. Of course we’re not perfect, but it’s that goal which keeps us looking to Christ in all things we do.

  • Wendy says:

    I struggled with this for a long time. I met with my minister and had a really good discussion with him about dating and how to go about finding the person God has chosen for me. I was very passive on seeking out any one and I had initially been praying that God would send the right person into my life. In talking with my minister he suggested that I become very intentional and start to “move” and that in turn God would move me into the right direction. I started praying that God would prepare me for the man He would put into my life to be my husband. I joined a couple of dating sites but the couple of men that I did meet from there were so superficial in their relationship with Christ that I was becoming very discouraged. I am on face book and was posting my journey in my dating. After one date I came back and state on a post that if anyone had told me when I was younger that I would be 41, a single mom and dating I would have laughed and said no way! But well here I am and I never thought that a prerequisite I would need to add to my dating profile would be “must have teeth”. Yes my friends and I had a really great discussion about this. One gentleman from my church was a friend on face book. I didn’t realize he was watching my dating comments/journey. We had been friends for a while. We were put into the same small group for Bible study. We started spending more time together at church and at church activities. I suddenly realized that here I was with this amazing Christian man in my life. We are now dating and I have given the whole relationship to God and am excited to see what God has in store.

  • JackSprat says:

    Okay here is the deal. There is nothing written in the Bible that states someone “prayed” for a mate and got one through answered prayer.

    Yes, It is much better to be married. I doubt you find any argument from me or anybody else regarding that.

    Remember; the scriptures are the only thing a Christian can use as a standard. Every thing must be proven with specific scriptures. 2 Timothy 3:16

    Okay my thoughts on this. Everyone in the world is seeking true love in a mate. If they say they aren’t, I will show you a liar LOL. The mate deal is pretty important stuff. There is nothing in the Bible to prove God specifically promises anyone a mate. Also, keep in mind there is no instance in the Bible of someone getting a mate by prayer. The bottom line is; God is very smart and he didn’t forget anything. God is not in the “matchmaker” business.

  • Sierra says:

    What about Jacob and Rachel? God brought her to him, and he waited 7 years. And Paul talks about being single and how he thinks it’s great, but if you’re going to burn with passion: Get married! The Bible might not say, “If you pray for a mate, I’ll give you one.” But God does promise in His word that He has a plan for us and if you have a desire, Pray about it! (Obviously not in that context…)

    I also do not believe that God would give you a burning desire to get married, and make you live like that for the rest of your life! It has to go both ways: You have to listen, follow and obey God before He can bless you. I know this first hand. 😉